(waking up at 4am on a recent Tuesday)
"What the FUCK!!!" "OWWWW!" My back is spasming in a type of excruciating pain I haven't felt since a reconstructive ankle surgery, circa 1992.
It's so early in the morn I think it a bad dream for a moment. I am a healer, and and an empath. In other words, it's real easy for me to "pick up" on O.P.P., other people's problems. To intuit other's people's energy. Intuition, it's all of our given birthright, and in many, it simply has been dulled by the static of our busy lives.
Me? Yeah, I'm down wit O.P.P. Except this time, this pain is all mine.
FUCK! I am in intense pain at this particular moment, and recall working out too hard yesterday and carrying my guitar and case 2 miles to the guitar shop because I was locked out of my house. Surely, it's neuromuscular, I say to myself.
FUCK! I can't feel my left hand. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Nope. Sorry. I'm a semi-expert at breath, I teach the shit, for fuck's sake, and the only breath thats seemingly gonna do any work here is my potential last one, or so it feels.
It's hard to collect your thoughts when your whole body is in massive pain. I have a high tolerance for pain. My left arm is numb. I have a daughter. The choice is pretty clear. I go to the E.R.
The intern nurse sees me and speaks up, "you probably have carpal tunnel syndrome"
Clearly this young female is some sort of Jedi master(sarc), realizing that nothing is going to take away my pain at this moment, but she can distract me by saying something completely asinine as suggesting people go to the E.R at 5 a.m. on Tuesdays to get carpal tunnel treatment.
I reply, "Listen bitch, I've been eating pain omelettes for breakfast for 30+ years, been to hell and back, and had demons rip off my head and shit down my neck, so put chapter 3 of your nurse handbook down and get me someone who knows what the fuck they're talking about" (on the inside)
My real response: "look, i highly doubt this is carpal tunnel syndrome, my whole left arm is numb, and I'm in unbearable pain. May I see a doctor please?"
I know the nurse is doing her best. I simply share my felt-sense of the moment and process in hopes in may add to yours. This notion of enlightenment isn't all faeries and pixie dust.
To be sure, the senior nurse, and the resident doctor were absolutely amazing. 'Becca', actually did keep me distracted with conversation as I was in agonizing pain, even though it was the end of what she said was a trying shift. The physical explanation is it turns out to be a massive strain, with some entrapped nerves. My ticker is fine.
My first hint is this is something a bit more metaphysical than that comes when the morphine doesn't dull the pain one iota. They do a neck X-Ray as a precaution, say I might need an MRI, and send me on my way.
Nine days later, 2 doctor's visits, 2 acupuncture treatments, and a shitload of self-healing and introspection later, and we come to the present day. I wake up and I'm still in so much pain I'm punchy. I let out a helpless chuckle. It's like masturbating with a cheese grater, slightly amusing but mostly painful.
This really has sucked. Haven't been able to strum the six-string, write, exercise, or most of all, engage in active play with my daughter.
I'm exhausted. And this exhaustion is actually a key component here in being open enough to receive the medicine, or wisdom from this particular situation. When one achieves exhaustion, the ego can't help but surrender. It stops holding on for dear life, trying to be relevant, and then, and only then can one receive the deeper message.
I've always had this spot under my left scapula(rear shoulder), and no amount of treatment, massage, reiki, acu, psych-k, or any other modality has ever been able to release this one knot, this one pain, this one trauma.
I realize this release is what is now occurring. I'm in the best shape of my life, pushing myself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually over the past 15 months. I've finally peeled enough layers of the artichoke to get to the "tasty" heart. It's counter-intuitive, but I've finally become healthy enough to receive this pain. To be with it. To sit with it. To 'hold space' for this trauma to be released. So why 9 days of it?
Sometimes things are more of a process rather than a point. Each clue builds on another. One night, my healer friend Jess does some work on my emotional body through kinesiology. I muscle test weak for the statement, "It is OK to make mistakes." Which in lay terms, means I am "programmed" subconsciously, with a filter that says I have to be perfect at all times.
I don't know about you, but consciously I've come to associate perfectionism as completely fear-based.
Imagine being a DJ at a radio station spinning tunes, and your station manager says, "Spin the wrong tune and you're fired."
"How do I know what's a wrong tune?"
"You'll know it when you've been fired."
The good news is we can actually re-write the "softwares" that have been downloaded into the hard drive that is our brain. Yup, we can choose which program or belief, we want to hold onto or let go.
Argue for your limiting beliefs and fucking A right, you own 'em.
So I keep the positive polarities of all behaviors/beliefs, and release the negative ones. All of it is simple perception anyway, i.e., this thing called life is an illusion.
Jess and do an exercise(balance) to "take that tune off my playlist", and I'm one clue closer.
The exhaustion serves. The ego, which is holding on for dear life to be relevant, surrenders. Today I was exhausted mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, too. I literally didn't want to write, and questioned just about everything I was doing spiritually or artistically in the last 48 hours.
I also just got a job opportunity that were it a year ago, I probably would've cut a finger off for. I said no to the opportunity. It wasn't easy. The job would mean added levels of 'security' and financial freedom, but at a cost. To my soul. To my spirit.
How much is enough?
This opportunity was the equivalent of wanting to date that special someone, who you "know" you have a strong connection with but has been non-responding, then finally you just resign yourself to "it ain't happenin' ". You let go, you trust the lessons you've learned, and move on. And at that very moment, they call you on the phone, or show up naked at your doorstep.
Only you're not interested anymore.
That was then and this is now.
It's an exercise in what Buddhists call that place of non-attachment(to outcome). Letting go of the possibility that was, to allow room for the possibility that IS, with another. Oftentime, we'll rationalize a person's behavior because we think we love them, but what is really occurring is we love the thought of loving them. At the time, it feels like you are connected beyond belief, and that is OK---it is wonderful to see the possibility in anything. It is a gift to be able to view the world in that way.
The place I've evolved to is to choose to make manifest any possibility I decide. It's a subtle change, and one that has involved taking responsibility for my path, and responsibility for my own healing.
There is sometimes a moment of sadness in letting go, when you feel or see something that the other does not. We humans sometimes let things get or go too far before we realize what was right in front of us, and ultimately, that turns out to be an essential part of our growth. We all have our path, and we learn and navigate said path to the best of our ability, or at our highest level of awareness at the time.
Letting go is liberating.
Back to the present day: I serendipitously lost my car for 1 1/2 hrs today, and got tired physically as well from walking. This is a nice metaphor, to lose one's car, or "ability to drive" temporarily. I would find, that it wasn't until I re-planted my flag, or re-declared my intention to the universe that things would sync up again.
i will write in, as, and with Spirit
It's 4 pm on a Wednesday. I'm still in pain. I pound an ibuprofen or 7, and a shot of whiskey.
For just a moment, I feel like I'll never write another word. As if I'll never have the physical capability to pick up my guitar, or much worse, my daughter again. Like what's the point of all of it anyway.
AND THEN I REMEMBER:
I CHOSE ALL OF THIS.
It's been 9 days, and with that one recognition, the tears start flowing, and I have instant recognition where the trauma came from, what the lesson is, and the release occurs quicker than a female Asian blackjack dealer takes all of your money(trust me on this one).
Getting to that point, is the point. The purpose of the journey is the journey itself. It's not good or bad, it just is. There is no "right" way to be grateful. I am grateful.
And ever more so, now that my wing was 'broken' for 9 days. I am ever more grateful for the ways in which I am able to participate in this thing we call life. I have even more compassion for those who will never be able to pick up their child, or those who cannot exercise due to some physical malady.
Maybe next time I'll get the memo before this pain actually happens. But then again, the medicine, or wisdom, wouldn't be the same. I would find out later that astrologically, over the past couple nights, both Mercury and Mars have formed annoying quincunxes with Chiron the Wounded Healer, bringing up issues that make us emotional vulnerable.
Did that make the little dickhead gnome on my shoulder order the trans-fat philly steak rolls at dinner instead of the healthy collard green salad with avocado?
What the fuck is a quincunx?
Here's what I do know:
Muscle memory is greater than what we refer to as our normal, or mind memory. Translation: we may have traumas---emotional, spiritual, or physical, and they are stored at the cellular level, and we may have consciously forgotten about them, as a defense mechanism.
Western society has been conditioned to fear pain. To mitigate pain. To stay away from pain. That pain is bad! We receive this message from economic policymakers who try to stave off natural economic contractions. From doctors who write prescriptions for symptoms rather than addressing source problems. From an image-conscious society that creates false idols.
A shift in perception is needed.
Look, I am not into being a pain glutton, in fact, I think pain sucks the royal karmic ass. I'm simply acknowledging it's role in making us a concentric whole being. I'm simply discerning that we grow from pain, and pain can be healthily transformative, while suffering is oftentime a choice we make for ourselves to keep ourselves in mental prisons.
I may have allowed myself to suffer a bit.
In the past, I may have drank the pain away. I may have kept myself sooooo distracted I never had to face said shadow.
And if that was my highest level of awareness at the time, that's fine too. Wherever you go, there you are. (wow that's deep, Forrest)
This time I leaned into the pain.
Why?
My experience has been that when we are able to "lean in" to the pain just a bit, we are rewarded with oh so much wisdom.
I'll leave you for now with a quote from a movie I just watched again, Matrix Revolutions, one that resonates with me.
From the Matrix Revolutions, Agent Smith: why, Mr. Anderson, why? Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you're fighting for something, for more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is, do you even know? Is it freedom or truth, perhaps peace -- could it be for love? Illusions, Mr. Anderson, vagaries of perception. Temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them as artificial as the Matrix itself. Although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love. You must be able to see it, Mr. Anderson, you must know it by now! You can't win, it's pointless to keep fighting! Why, Mr. Anderson, why? Why do you persist?
NEO: CUZ I CHOOSE TO.
Peace,
Eric
(if you're interested in contacting Eric for a healing session or re-writing the limiting belief softwares of your brain, you may contact him at eric.majeski@gmail.com)
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
The Chrysallis is Forming
Ever clean your house and it just makes you realize how dirty it actually is? Ever wake up from a nap seemingly more tired than you were when you laid your head down? Perhaps you had a bite to eat and now you are even more hungry. You work out after months, and it highlights to you how much your muscles have atrophied. Maybe you've experienced having great sex for the first time in awhile, and suddenly went from never thinking about it, to it's all you think about, and you wonder why it's been so long.
These are all signs of waking up, in a sense. Of becoming more aware. The transition from static to dynamic. From stuck into motion. Our bodies, minds, and spirits will go into a numb slumber if we do not practice with them. They'll adjust as they have to, when we don't pay attention to them, to survive, even if the environment is less than optimal.
Similarly, do you ever do something you feel is good for you, only to emerge feeling worse for it? Also, do you ever focus more on what you don't have, rather than what you do? Do you ever add one too many brushstrokes to a painting you knew in your heart was already complete?
Do you ever find yourself consuming too much, past the point of satisfaction?
If you do, you're not alone. We live in a consumer society, and although it's shifting, everywhere we look around us every day, is part of a system based on material consumption. Though we are becoming ever more conscious of our purchases, there is still a huge "Buy shit you don't need, with money you don't have." advertising machine humming along.
This conditioning pervades our lives in ways we may not even be aware of. (until we are)
I recently experienced this feeling after a recent guitar lesson. I've been actively working with an instructor for 6 months now, and on a rather ordinary Wednesday a month ago, I had a mini-epiphany, or breakthrough. We were discussing music theory, and BAM!, one magical moment caused weeks of progress fits and starts to synthesize in my head. All of a sudden, "I got it". Kinda like a baby realizing it can walk for the first time. This moment then brought my instructor, a brilliant technician on the guitar, back to that innocent time and place when the guitar was a love for him, and not just an obligation.
I was feeling quite satisfied.
Caught up in the high energy of the moment, my instructor started drilling more theory into my head, what was now possible for me to play, and where we could go from here. He basically saw the crack, or opening in my dense "guitar learning armor" and was trying to funnel as much light, or knowledge, as he could while this crack was still open.
Within moments, I was exhausted and the moment was gone. By tapping into new levels of "what I now know", a pandora's box of "what I now don't know" was opened. The old ceiling had become the new floor of possibility. I became keenly aware of how vast my "new guitar world" was, and when I thought about it too much, it was a bit overwhelming.
I had consumed too much.
Once I started thinking about it, I got too much in my mind, and left my heartspace, and I left the present moment. Once I left the present moment, it became about where I am going with my guitar, rather than enjoying where I am with my guitar.
Destination focus rather than journey enjoyment, all that jazz.
I do appreciate my instructor's passion, who is well-intentioned, and simply wants the best for me, in terms of reaching my true potential. And with that in mind, the question is how do we stay "whelmed" without being overwhelmed? How does one become OK with or embody satisfaction rather than needing to be full?
Chew on that for a moment. Do you eat a meal until you're satisfied, or until you're full? Do you eat everything on your plate just because it's there?
Maybe it's time we put a little less on our plate then.
I know my quality of life has gone up dramatically as I have continued to put less on my plate(and it's still a work in progress) literally and figuratively, connect with nature, and simply do things that I love to do, without fear of judgment or care for acceptance from others.
It makes me wonder why I ever cared about things like being accepted for anything other than who I am. It makes me wonder why I ever cared about material things, or ate until I was full, or worshipped to the false idols of things like money. Or why I was so reluctant to make the changes I knew in my heart were true. I was part of the over-consumption problem.
But I did feel those things, and the pain that occurred from being so disconnected, is the same pain that brought this disconnection into my awareness, and thus, helped me re-connect with my true self and choose to be part of the solution.
We live in a consumer and materialistic society, and although it is shifting, many of us are conditioned from birth that more is better, to accumulate, to win the trophy, to compete. It is a society that has utilized popular culture catchphrases such as "keep up with the Joneses", and "bigger is better" as a cause to act, or behave a certain way.
And while peer pressure to act a certain way has always existed in some form, concern for all things image, material gain, and destination-oriented thinking in regards to what one does or who one is, reached its egregious pinnacle during the last decade.
Symptoms of this egoic system include: the Steroids Era in our national pastime baseball, where cheating and lack of integrity were glossed over as record ticket and TV revenues lined corporate pockets; the reckless risk taking on Wall Street and taxpayer bailout; the obnoxious massive national debt/deficit, which has transferred responsibility of out-of-control spending for the past 20 years to next generation's children, and their children, and control exhibited through the attempted reduction of personal freedoms, and a bull market in fear-based marketing: see War on Terror.
'Do as I say, not as I do' seems like an appropriate mantra for the Era.
These are all products and part of the morphic field of the Baby Boomer generation, a generation initially associated with the Peace, Love, and Harmony of the Woodstock Festival. At this time, the 40th anniversary of that festival, I contemplate how this generation as a whole got so disconnected from itself, from the live and let live vibration. And I think about the impending identity crises this generation faces as it comes to grips with its own mortality. And what an opportunity that is, for them, and for humanity. We're ALL responsible for the healing of this planet, and I simply acknowledge how much impact the Boomers have had on popular culture for the past 60 years, and will continue to have as they age.
It's not good or bad, it just is.
We see the old structures embodying these disconnects right before our eyes. There are identity crises occurring everywhere. Wall Street. Politics. Sports. Religion.
The world is changing. The planet is shifting. Welcome to Chaos Theory: An organism through change can either: Adapt, Survive, and Thrive.....or Perish and Die. Choose to be part of the evolution of the new butterfly if you will, or go the way of the bloated caterpillar.
President Obama spared no punches in addressing this phenomenon, when he gave this commencement address at Arizona State in May:
"Other classes have received their diplomas in times of trial and upheaval, when the very foundations of our lives have been shaken, the old ideas and institutions have crumbled, and a new generation is called on to remake the world," he said. He said many graduates will want to grab at what he called "the usual brass rings" -- a who's who list, or a top 100 list, or a big corner office, or an important title, or a nice car. "But at this difficult time, let me suggest that such an approach won’t get you where you want to go; that in fact, the elevation of appearance over substance, celebrity over character, short-term gain over lasting achievement is precisely what your generation needs to help end," he said. When he called on "young people like you to step up" he was quick to add that his definition of young was not necessarily an age but an attitude: "A willingness to follow your passions, regardless of whether they lead to fortune and fame. A willingness to question conventional wisdom and rethink the old dogmas. A lack of regard for all the traditional markers of status and prestige – and a commitment instead to doing what is meaningful to you, what helps others, what makes a difference in this world."
What we are witnessing in this lifetime, maybe even in this here decade, as Bush passed the torch off to Obama, is the changing of the guard from the Love of Power to the Power of Love. Does that sound a little too New Agey? Perhaps, but I see it all around. The Internet is speeding up consciousness. People are being empowered to take personal responsibility for their own lives and own healings, as the old structures and beliefs fail to serve them. People are returning to simpler way of life, a deeper communion to nature/Earth, and finding their passion and following it.
Is there turmoil? Sure there is. With any massive changing of the guard, there is chaos. And to further, those who argue for their limiting beliefs, well, sure enough, they own them. And always will, until they learn what they need to learn from them, to evolve.
Rather than get upset over the overconsumption of the past 30 years, or my times of disconnection, I focus on being my own change, and remind myself to focus again on the caterpillar/butterfly metaphor. Before it metamorphizes into the butterfly, the caterpillar consumes 300x of its body weight on its way to forming its chrysallis. It then sheds 1/2 of its body weight, and becomes this vibrant little flying miracle.
There is hope.
We, as a society, and as a country,....check that....as a human race, are in the process of forming the chrysallis.
We have consumed 300x our weight, and beginning the process of shedding 1/2 of our body.
The caterpillar that is the old paradigms/old belief systems are dying off, no matter how much one may resist it. The question that remains to be seen, is whether enough of the butterfly cells survive and emerge, and the butterfly that is a new world dream recognizes itself as the magnificient, free-flying miracle that it is.
As more and more human beings continue to awaken and connect with who they truly are, the clusters of conscious 'butterfly cells' here and there will grow ever larger. And as the Boomers, who by sheer size have massively affected popular culture their entire existence, undergo their form of mortal chaos/transformation, and re-connect with their true Woodstock-root selves of peace, love, and harmony, a tidal wave of 'butterfly cells' will be the light switch that is flipped, and a form of galactic butterfly representing a new world will recognize itself as such and emerge, and so will a "cosmic global party", that makes Woodstock seem like a nice burp.
A new world is truly upon us.
So how do we all get to this happy place?
There isn't any one way, just your own one true way.
Living with gratitude helps, and I've found out along my way, I don't need something bad to happen to realize what a gift every day is.
For me, I will simply continue to put less on my plate, take what I need and give the rest back, connect and be with nature, help others help themselves, and do the things I love to do.
Peace.
Eric
These are all signs of waking up, in a sense. Of becoming more aware. The transition from static to dynamic. From stuck into motion. Our bodies, minds, and spirits will go into a numb slumber if we do not practice with them. They'll adjust as they have to, when we don't pay attention to them, to survive, even if the environment is less than optimal.
Similarly, do you ever do something you feel is good for you, only to emerge feeling worse for it? Also, do you ever focus more on what you don't have, rather than what you do? Do you ever add one too many brushstrokes to a painting you knew in your heart was already complete?
Do you ever find yourself consuming too much, past the point of satisfaction?
If you do, you're not alone. We live in a consumer society, and although it's shifting, everywhere we look around us every day, is part of a system based on material consumption. Though we are becoming ever more conscious of our purchases, there is still a huge "Buy shit you don't need, with money you don't have." advertising machine humming along.
This conditioning pervades our lives in ways we may not even be aware of. (until we are)
I recently experienced this feeling after a recent guitar lesson. I've been actively working with an instructor for 6 months now, and on a rather ordinary Wednesday a month ago, I had a mini-epiphany, or breakthrough. We were discussing music theory, and BAM!, one magical moment caused weeks of progress fits and starts to synthesize in my head. All of a sudden, "I got it". Kinda like a baby realizing it can walk for the first time. This moment then brought my instructor, a brilliant technician on the guitar, back to that innocent time and place when the guitar was a love for him, and not just an obligation.
I was feeling quite satisfied.
Caught up in the high energy of the moment, my instructor started drilling more theory into my head, what was now possible for me to play, and where we could go from here. He basically saw the crack, or opening in my dense "guitar learning armor" and was trying to funnel as much light, or knowledge, as he could while this crack was still open.
Within moments, I was exhausted and the moment was gone. By tapping into new levels of "what I now know", a pandora's box of "what I now don't know" was opened. The old ceiling had become the new floor of possibility. I became keenly aware of how vast my "new guitar world" was, and when I thought about it too much, it was a bit overwhelming.
I had consumed too much.
Once I started thinking about it, I got too much in my mind, and left my heartspace, and I left the present moment. Once I left the present moment, it became about where I am going with my guitar, rather than enjoying where I am with my guitar.
Destination focus rather than journey enjoyment, all that jazz.
I do appreciate my instructor's passion, who is well-intentioned, and simply wants the best for me, in terms of reaching my true potential. And with that in mind, the question is how do we stay "whelmed" without being overwhelmed? How does one become OK with or embody satisfaction rather than needing to be full?
Chew on that for a moment. Do you eat a meal until you're satisfied, or until you're full? Do you eat everything on your plate just because it's there?
Maybe it's time we put a little less on our plate then.
I know my quality of life has gone up dramatically as I have continued to put less on my plate(and it's still a work in progress) literally and figuratively, connect with nature, and simply do things that I love to do, without fear of judgment or care for acceptance from others.
It makes me wonder why I ever cared about things like being accepted for anything other than who I am. It makes me wonder why I ever cared about material things, or ate until I was full, or worshipped to the false idols of things like money. Or why I was so reluctant to make the changes I knew in my heart were true. I was part of the over-consumption problem.
But I did feel those things, and the pain that occurred from being so disconnected, is the same pain that brought this disconnection into my awareness, and thus, helped me re-connect with my true self and choose to be part of the solution.
We live in a consumer and materialistic society, and although it is shifting, many of us are conditioned from birth that more is better, to accumulate, to win the trophy, to compete. It is a society that has utilized popular culture catchphrases such as "keep up with the Joneses", and "bigger is better" as a cause to act, or behave a certain way.
And while peer pressure to act a certain way has always existed in some form, concern for all things image, material gain, and destination-oriented thinking in regards to what one does or who one is, reached its egregious pinnacle during the last decade.
Symptoms of this egoic system include: the Steroids Era in our national pastime baseball, where cheating and lack of integrity were glossed over as record ticket and TV revenues lined corporate pockets; the reckless risk taking on Wall Street and taxpayer bailout; the obnoxious massive national debt/deficit, which has transferred responsibility of out-of-control spending for the past 20 years to next generation's children, and their children, and control exhibited through the attempted reduction of personal freedoms, and a bull market in fear-based marketing: see War on Terror.
'Do as I say, not as I do' seems like an appropriate mantra for the Era.
These are all products and part of the morphic field of the Baby Boomer generation, a generation initially associated with the Peace, Love, and Harmony of the Woodstock Festival. At this time, the 40th anniversary of that festival, I contemplate how this generation as a whole got so disconnected from itself, from the live and let live vibration. And I think about the impending identity crises this generation faces as it comes to grips with its own mortality. And what an opportunity that is, for them, and for humanity. We're ALL responsible for the healing of this planet, and I simply acknowledge how much impact the Boomers have had on popular culture for the past 60 years, and will continue to have as they age.
It's not good or bad, it just is.
We see the old structures embodying these disconnects right before our eyes. There are identity crises occurring everywhere. Wall Street. Politics. Sports. Religion.
The world is changing. The planet is shifting. Welcome to Chaos Theory: An organism through change can either: Adapt, Survive, and Thrive.....or Perish and Die. Choose to be part of the evolution of the new butterfly if you will, or go the way of the bloated caterpillar.
President Obama spared no punches in addressing this phenomenon, when he gave this commencement address at Arizona State in May:
"Other classes have received their diplomas in times of trial and upheaval, when the very foundations of our lives have been shaken, the old ideas and institutions have crumbled, and a new generation is called on to remake the world," he said. He said many graduates will want to grab at what he called "the usual brass rings" -- a who's who list, or a top 100 list, or a big corner office, or an important title, or a nice car. "But at this difficult time, let me suggest that such an approach won’t get you where you want to go; that in fact, the elevation of appearance over substance, celebrity over character, short-term gain over lasting achievement is precisely what your generation needs to help end," he said. When he called on "young people like you to step up" he was quick to add that his definition of young was not necessarily an age but an attitude: "A willingness to follow your passions, regardless of whether they lead to fortune and fame. A willingness to question conventional wisdom and rethink the old dogmas. A lack of regard for all the traditional markers of status and prestige – and a commitment instead to doing what is meaningful to you, what helps others, what makes a difference in this world."
What we are witnessing in this lifetime, maybe even in this here decade, as Bush passed the torch off to Obama, is the changing of the guard from the Love of Power to the Power of Love. Does that sound a little too New Agey? Perhaps, but I see it all around. The Internet is speeding up consciousness. People are being empowered to take personal responsibility for their own lives and own healings, as the old structures and beliefs fail to serve them. People are returning to simpler way of life, a deeper communion to nature/Earth, and finding their passion and following it.
Is there turmoil? Sure there is. With any massive changing of the guard, there is chaos. And to further, those who argue for their limiting beliefs, well, sure enough, they own them. And always will, until they learn what they need to learn from them, to evolve.
Rather than get upset over the overconsumption of the past 30 years, or my times of disconnection, I focus on being my own change, and remind myself to focus again on the caterpillar/butterfly metaphor. Before it metamorphizes into the butterfly, the caterpillar consumes 300x of its body weight on its way to forming its chrysallis. It then sheds 1/2 of its body weight, and becomes this vibrant little flying miracle.
There is hope.
We, as a society, and as a country,....check that....as a human race, are in the process of forming the chrysallis.
We have consumed 300x our weight, and beginning the process of shedding 1/2 of our body.
The caterpillar that is the old paradigms/old belief systems are dying off, no matter how much one may resist it. The question that remains to be seen, is whether enough of the butterfly cells survive and emerge, and the butterfly that is a new world dream recognizes itself as the magnificient, free-flying miracle that it is.
As more and more human beings continue to awaken and connect with who they truly are, the clusters of conscious 'butterfly cells' here and there will grow ever larger. And as the Boomers, who by sheer size have massively affected popular culture their entire existence, undergo their form of mortal chaos/transformation, and re-connect with their true Woodstock-root selves of peace, love, and harmony, a tidal wave of 'butterfly cells' will be the light switch that is flipped, and a form of galactic butterfly representing a new world will recognize itself as such and emerge, and so will a "cosmic global party", that makes Woodstock seem like a nice burp.
A new world is truly upon us.
So how do we all get to this happy place?
There isn't any one way, just your own one true way.
Living with gratitude helps, and I've found out along my way, I don't need something bad to happen to realize what a gift every day is.
For me, I will simply continue to put less on my plate, take what I need and give the rest back, connect and be with nature, help others help themselves, and do the things I love to do.
Peace.
Eric
Monday, September 14, 2009
Tradition, Not Antiquated
I'm sitting on a green blanket in the middle of the grassy field at Pritzker Pavillion in Milennium Park, Chicago, Il. It's 5 o' clock, and I am 2 1/2 hours early for a free concert to be held here later this evening. Being early is relative as I am "write" on time to put pen to paper.
Fifteen minutes go by, and I realize though my mind is bubbling with ideas, so far there is but one paragraph written on the page. Yup, here we go. Complete static. There is a veritable traffic jam of words and phrases in my head, and the traffic cop(me) isn't sure where this one begins or ends. A bitch of a quagmire, and already I'm way too much in my head. For me, it feels like I'm driving on a street that is a 2-sided cul-de-sac, with no exit. Something has to shift, so I recall immediately the only set of rules I enacted for this still young writing journey, 1)Writing is to be a joy 2)When writing is not a joy, re-read rule #1. With that, I take out my medicine bag, offer a pinch of tobacco to the land, and say a quick prayer of gratitude for all that is. I meditate for a couple minutes.
I chuckle at how I used to think one needed to be on a mountain with a robe on to meditate. Or that I couldn't possibly like watching Bears football on Sunday AND be spiritual.
I feel my feet in the grass, the warm sun on my skin, look at my hands and am thankful just for having hands.
Shift happens.
My creativity pipe has been snaked, and the energy is now free to flow. I spend a moment admiring the pavillion structure. It is modern and metallic, and though I'm not entirely sure of what I am looking at, the feeling it evokes is that happy point of all places that is simple come full circle through complexity. Like a good chili that has many ingredients, and many tastes that converge into one delicious dish, the building transits seamlessly into the cement jungle that is the city skyline. A bridge from the science of the material world to the artistry of nature. When I consider all the artistic creation that the pavillion has birthed, calling this structure a portal that connects the celestial heavens to the Earth, the stars to the ground, doesn't seem so far-fetched.
The day has been one of symmetry, synchronicity, and flow for me. I went to study and just be with the butterflies at the nature museum. On my way there, I stopped to get a smoothie at the local Jamba Juice. My smoothie is delivered 45 seconds after I ordered it, and I realize the barista was working on it before I came in the store.
"Did you know I was coming?", I ask, "or are you simply the Luke Skywalker of smoothie baristas?" She smiles, and gives me a mischievous wink that says, "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you." I smile and walk out. Suddenly, the whole, "what came first, the chicken or the egg debate?" makes sense to me. Neither. Or both.
I am the chicken. And the egg.
After leaving the museum, I go home to clean up, and have an intuition to head down to Milennium Park. They often have free concerts at the downtown outdoor ampitheatre, so I check online to see what tonight's fare is.
A band named OTTO.
Palindromes are cool. Sold.
I get to the park and see 2 drum sets and lotsa brass instruments. Double sold. I've been to hundreds of music shows and double percussion(2 drum sets) is at the top of my list for, "This band is not gonna suck" clues. A brass section is a close second, followed by electric violin, and then a backup R&B section with 400 lb black women.
My leg falls asleep from sitting on it for 30 minutes. I ponder for a moment if it was REM sleep, and if legs can have dreams.
I digress.
Sitting on the fresh green grass, I feel pretty connected. Seven different people in a span of 20-25 minutes walk up and introduce themselves. I recognize this past weekend was the 40th anniversary of the Woodstock peace and love music festival. It feels like many are tuned in to that vibrational frequency, or "radio station".
The show is still 30 minutes from starting. Fifty yards to my left, there is an operatic singer informally practicing her arias in front of an entranced audience of thirty people. Children to my right are playing and laughing. A cute couple straight ahead are play wrestling in what seems to be some strange mating ritual. There is another man with his shirt off doing some form of bizarre interpretive dance. He looks like a rhino trying to have sex with itself is the best way I can describe it. This field is alive with all sorts of things.
There is one man who has a real curious energy. He glances at me, and gives me the "stink eye". Sorry, Charlie. No room for that energy here, that is all yours. He looks like he's just done something wrong, or is about to. I remind myself not to judge. Mostly, I can just see the pain in his eyes, and I say a prayer to myself that his pain not be suffering.
I reflect on the notion of "pain."
Pain, like life, is temporary. Pain can be one of our greatest teachers if we just lean into it a little bit. If we can sit with it. Be with it. What happens when you have a kickass workout at the gym? The next day muscles are incredibly sore. This pain is from the process of the muscle breaking down, scarring, and building back up even bigger and stronger.
The same thing happens with our emotional body, too, as long as we let it. Emotional scars can morph into emotional muscles. The name of this blog, 'The Gift is in the Wound', means exactly that. There is medicine, or wisdom, in all of our traumas, or wounds. And they are gifts. The universe sends us 'teachers' in many forms, so we can learn, evolve, and be even more connected to our true path. Western society, in my humble opinion, has been conditioned to mute pain, or make it go away, or run/escape from it. Treat(drug) the symptom, rather than sit with the source. Us humans often do that with the emotional body as well, only we find distractions, diversions, escapes, rationalizations, heck, how 'bout a dozen chocolate chip cookies and a cup of hot fat to go with it? Retail therapy, anyone?
Pain is Ok. Pain can be transformative. Suffering is often time a choice we make. We make choices based upon our belief systems, systems that are inherited from generation to generation. These systems can be incredibly limiting, and many times, don't represent who we truly are. We then go through our life journey trying to remember. Who we are. Why we're here. When questioning my belief system, I ask simple questions: Is this a joyous tradition, or is it stuck and antiquated? Is this for the best and highest good of all? Is this coming from a place of love, or a place of fear? Traditions, customs, rituals that are handed down from one generation to the next are the essence of life. That said, they can also outlast their utility in an ever-changing world.
The great paradox of tradition, is that every tradition starts with a first year. And that we can make a choice at any time to change or shift how we perceive the world.
I am in sync right now. I am outside at a concert, with a beautiful friend who creatively inspires me. I am in nature. There is music playing that moves me. I am creating. People all around are happy and smiling. I'm really feelin' it. I am just being. Feels like the seeds of a new tradition. A shift.
This moment is truly perfect.
And I couldn't be in this perfect now, without all of my previous less than perfect 'now' moments.
Which kinda makes those moments perfect, too, doncha think?
Aho.
Eric
Fifteen minutes go by, and I realize though my mind is bubbling with ideas, so far there is but one paragraph written on the page. Yup, here we go. Complete static. There is a veritable traffic jam of words and phrases in my head, and the traffic cop(me) isn't sure where this one begins or ends. A bitch of a quagmire, and already I'm way too much in my head. For me, it feels like I'm driving on a street that is a 2-sided cul-de-sac, with no exit. Something has to shift, so I recall immediately the only set of rules I enacted for this still young writing journey, 1)Writing is to be a joy 2)When writing is not a joy, re-read rule #1. With that, I take out my medicine bag, offer a pinch of tobacco to the land, and say a quick prayer of gratitude for all that is. I meditate for a couple minutes.
I chuckle at how I used to think one needed to be on a mountain with a robe on to meditate. Or that I couldn't possibly like watching Bears football on Sunday AND be spiritual.
I feel my feet in the grass, the warm sun on my skin, look at my hands and am thankful just for having hands.
Shift happens.
My creativity pipe has been snaked, and the energy is now free to flow. I spend a moment admiring the pavillion structure. It is modern and metallic, and though I'm not entirely sure of what I am looking at, the feeling it evokes is that happy point of all places that is simple come full circle through complexity. Like a good chili that has many ingredients, and many tastes that converge into one delicious dish, the building transits seamlessly into the cement jungle that is the city skyline. A bridge from the science of the material world to the artistry of nature. When I consider all the artistic creation that the pavillion has birthed, calling this structure a portal that connects the celestial heavens to the Earth, the stars to the ground, doesn't seem so far-fetched.
The day has been one of symmetry, synchronicity, and flow for me. I went to study and just be with the butterflies at the nature museum. On my way there, I stopped to get a smoothie at the local Jamba Juice. My smoothie is delivered 45 seconds after I ordered it, and I realize the barista was working on it before I came in the store.
"Did you know I was coming?", I ask, "or are you simply the Luke Skywalker of smoothie baristas?" She smiles, and gives me a mischievous wink that says, "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you." I smile and walk out. Suddenly, the whole, "what came first, the chicken or the egg debate?" makes sense to me. Neither. Or both.
I am the chicken. And the egg.
After leaving the museum, I go home to clean up, and have an intuition to head down to Milennium Park. They often have free concerts at the downtown outdoor ampitheatre, so I check online to see what tonight's fare is.
A band named OTTO.
Palindromes are cool. Sold.
I get to the park and see 2 drum sets and lotsa brass instruments. Double sold. I've been to hundreds of music shows and double percussion(2 drum sets) is at the top of my list for, "This band is not gonna suck" clues. A brass section is a close second, followed by electric violin, and then a backup R&B section with 400 lb black women.
My leg falls asleep from sitting on it for 30 minutes. I ponder for a moment if it was REM sleep, and if legs can have dreams.
I digress.
Sitting on the fresh green grass, I feel pretty connected. Seven different people in a span of 20-25 minutes walk up and introduce themselves. I recognize this past weekend was the 40th anniversary of the Woodstock peace and love music festival. It feels like many are tuned in to that vibrational frequency, or "radio station".
The show is still 30 minutes from starting. Fifty yards to my left, there is an operatic singer informally practicing her arias in front of an entranced audience of thirty people. Children to my right are playing and laughing. A cute couple straight ahead are play wrestling in what seems to be some strange mating ritual. There is another man with his shirt off doing some form of bizarre interpretive dance. He looks like a rhino trying to have sex with itself is the best way I can describe it. This field is alive with all sorts of things.
There is one man who has a real curious energy. He glances at me, and gives me the "stink eye". Sorry, Charlie. No room for that energy here, that is all yours. He looks like he's just done something wrong, or is about to. I remind myself not to judge. Mostly, I can just see the pain in his eyes, and I say a prayer to myself that his pain not be suffering.
I reflect on the notion of "pain."
Pain, like life, is temporary. Pain can be one of our greatest teachers if we just lean into it a little bit. If we can sit with it. Be with it. What happens when you have a kickass workout at the gym? The next day muscles are incredibly sore. This pain is from the process of the muscle breaking down, scarring, and building back up even bigger and stronger.
The same thing happens with our emotional body, too, as long as we let it. Emotional scars can morph into emotional muscles. The name of this blog, 'The Gift is in the Wound', means exactly that. There is medicine, or wisdom, in all of our traumas, or wounds. And they are gifts. The universe sends us 'teachers' in many forms, so we can learn, evolve, and be even more connected to our true path. Western society, in my humble opinion, has been conditioned to mute pain, or make it go away, or run/escape from it. Treat(drug) the symptom, rather than sit with the source. Us humans often do that with the emotional body as well, only we find distractions, diversions, escapes, rationalizations, heck, how 'bout a dozen chocolate chip cookies and a cup of hot fat to go with it? Retail therapy, anyone?
Pain is Ok. Pain can be transformative. Suffering is often time a choice we make. We make choices based upon our belief systems, systems that are inherited from generation to generation. These systems can be incredibly limiting, and many times, don't represent who we truly are. We then go through our life journey trying to remember. Who we are. Why we're here. When questioning my belief system, I ask simple questions: Is this a joyous tradition, or is it stuck and antiquated? Is this for the best and highest good of all? Is this coming from a place of love, or a place of fear? Traditions, customs, rituals that are handed down from one generation to the next are the essence of life. That said, they can also outlast their utility in an ever-changing world.
The great paradox of tradition, is that every tradition starts with a first year. And that we can make a choice at any time to change or shift how we perceive the world.
I am in sync right now. I am outside at a concert, with a beautiful friend who creatively inspires me. I am in nature. There is music playing that moves me. I am creating. People all around are happy and smiling. I'm really feelin' it. I am just being. Feels like the seeds of a new tradition. A shift.
This moment is truly perfect.
And I couldn't be in this perfect now, without all of my previous less than perfect 'now' moments.
Which kinda makes those moments perfect, too, doncha think?
Aho.
Eric
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Profitability Begins Within
(I wrote this letter awhile back to trader friend Todd Harrison, founder of the financial education website www.minyanville.com . Minyanville is an authentic community that educates and inspires, where Todd has been bringing light and truth to a business world that oh, so desperately needs it for over 7 years now. His personal and professional transformation has been, frankly, inspiring to watch. The letter was posted as an Op-Ed and I share it with you today)
Toddo-
I found it interesting your mention of 2012 today. As you know, I am a full-time daytrader. What you may not know is that I am also an energy healer, used to own a consciousness bookstore, and sit in/help moderate a consciousness class at a local college (I know, insert (un)consciousness and Spicoli jokes here, life works in funny ways). We've been talking a lot about 2012.
Over the past couple of years, I've spoken with Mayan chiefs, performed ceremony with Peruvian shamans, and broke bread with many indiginous peoples. They are all quite concerned about the world's path/evolution and whether or not we (as a human race) are going to make it. They pray every day for you, me, and all sentient beings worldwide. A positive development is they are opening up their formerly guarded wisdom circles to help us make this transition and bridge the old with the new.
I felt compelled to write because as we approach it, 2012 will be entering in our collective stream of consciousness more and more. And therefore, needs to be on the readerships' radar. There are those that suggest it will be another Y2K? That is for the individual to decide for themselves, from a place of knowledge.
I will save my more subjective, speculative, and esoteric views for our next campfire-side chat.
Practically speaking what I will say is, if it seems like life is going fast and things are speeding up, it is because it is and they are. Literally. Changes are occurring rapidly, in the world and in ourselves. We don't need a calendar to tell us this, and according to the Mayan right now we are experiencing a full cycle in 360 days. I believe this helps me to make some sense of the massively volatile moves we are seeing in the market, oil market, commodities, etc. News cycles are happening at an accelerated rate. We have to shift our thought of what time and space really is. Think of a cycle as a generation. The term "generation gap" in our lifetime represented approximately 20-25 years, and defined as the cultural differences between generations. In tribal times, a "generation", or an evolutionary leap, would take thousands of years to play out. In 4 short years, this same "cycle" will happen over a course of a mere 20 days. Talk about a lot of death/rebirthing!. Do things seem fast now? They are only going to get "faster". It's not so hard to fathom when one considers the evolution of computing power, technology, and Moore's law.
Though true change comes from transformation sometimes born of chaos, it's been my experience that us humans sometimes fear change, and also fear uncertainty (though life itself is hardly certain). It's also true we are living in a time of unprecedented velocity of change, and unprecedented uncertainty. Thus, unprecedented fear. So what is one to do? People/friends ask me this often, and are surprised when I offer some Pollyanna to the current Cassandra.
You already nail it in your consistent message of mindfulness, "the purpose of the journey is the journey itself", living your truth, keeping your word, etc. Thank you for that, btw. You are a true light, and I am grateful to know you and to be sharing this journey with you. What I feel, believe, and humbly offer is that (Living) these truths is becoming more and more relevant and more and more important. As things are "speeding up", people's natural inclination is to try to keep up and go faster. And, at the end of the day, it's not about "fast" or "slow" anyway, because those are relative terms and duality-based ones at that. The key, in my humble opinion, to handling all of this change is quite simply to be at your center. Be at your center. Not to lie to oneself, (or anyone else for that matter), to live in truth and integrity, to be mindful, to be kind, to set intentional thoughts and then pay attention to them and take action. To nurture oneself. It really is that "easy", even when it seems so hard sometimes. We are living in exciting times, and that is such a blessing!
A good metaphor for I found is to picture oneself, and one's energy field as that of a gyroscope. A gyroscope gets STRONGER as it goes faster, provided it is in full balance/full integrity. So as the pace of the world quickens, and we sometimes are pining for answers, there truly is nothing to fear. When we are at our center, it becomes much easier to "see what we need to see, hear what we need to hear", i.e. tune in to our intuition. And that is another way of expressing your well-placed, oft-repeated, "Profitability begins within."
I am realistic about the struggles, dissonance, and acrimony that we, as a society, are currently enduring. I do not have the blinders on, and there have been times in the past, I was so upset, at the state of the state, that I thought the funny farm was looking pretty good. "Profitability begins within." I looked inward, and in finding compassion for myself and the mistakes I had made, that had morphed into lessons/wisdom, found compassion for all other.
I feel we can either choose to create our reality or "be created". Live a dream, or hypnotically use device to escape. Having lived both sides of that coin, I now choose the formers.
Here are the 5 principles of Reiki:
Just For Today, I Will Let Go Of Worry
Just For Today, I Will Let Go Of Anger
Just For Today, I Will Love And Respect All Life Forms
Just For Today, I Will Count My Many Blessings
Just For Today, I Will Live My Life Honestly
If we could all commit to those for "just one today", then every tomorrow, and every previous today is brightened as well. If we all can live those mantras "just for today", our profitability will increase within, and we will also see that, I believe, manifest on our screens, and in the world as well.
I am honored to know such a groovy bunch at Minyanville, and save a spot for me at Festivus.
Good to be back, and much love,
Minyan Eric "Spicoli" Majeski
Toddo-
I found it interesting your mention of 2012 today. As you know, I am a full-time daytrader. What you may not know is that I am also an energy healer, used to own a consciousness bookstore, and sit in/help moderate a consciousness class at a local college (I know, insert (un)consciousness and Spicoli jokes here, life works in funny ways). We've been talking a lot about 2012.
Over the past couple of years, I've spoken with Mayan chiefs, performed ceremony with Peruvian shamans, and broke bread with many indiginous peoples. They are all quite concerned about the world's path/evolution and whether or not we (as a human race) are going to make it. They pray every day for you, me, and all sentient beings worldwide. A positive development is they are opening up their formerly guarded wisdom circles to help us make this transition and bridge the old with the new.
I felt compelled to write because as we approach it, 2012 will be entering in our collective stream of consciousness more and more. And therefore, needs to be on the readerships' radar. There are those that suggest it will be another Y2K? That is for the individual to decide for themselves, from a place of knowledge.
I will save my more subjective, speculative, and esoteric views for our next campfire-side chat.
Practically speaking what I will say is, if it seems like life is going fast and things are speeding up, it is because it is and they are. Literally. Changes are occurring rapidly, in the world and in ourselves. We don't need a calendar to tell us this, and according to the Mayan right now we are experiencing a full cycle in 360 days. I believe this helps me to make some sense of the massively volatile moves we are seeing in the market, oil market, commodities, etc. News cycles are happening at an accelerated rate. We have to shift our thought of what time and space really is. Think of a cycle as a generation. The term "generation gap" in our lifetime represented approximately 20-25 years, and defined as the cultural differences between generations. In tribal times, a "generation", or an evolutionary leap, would take thousands of years to play out. In 4 short years, this same "cycle" will happen over a course of a mere 20 days. Talk about a lot of death/rebirthing!. Do things seem fast now? They are only going to get "faster". It's not so hard to fathom when one considers the evolution of computing power, technology, and Moore's law.
Though true change comes from transformation sometimes born of chaos, it's been my experience that us humans sometimes fear change, and also fear uncertainty (though life itself is hardly certain). It's also true we are living in a time of unprecedented velocity of change, and unprecedented uncertainty. Thus, unprecedented fear. So what is one to do? People/friends ask me this often, and are surprised when I offer some Pollyanna to the current Cassandra.
You already nail it in your consistent message of mindfulness, "the purpose of the journey is the journey itself", living your truth, keeping your word, etc. Thank you for that, btw. You are a true light, and I am grateful to know you and to be sharing this journey with you. What I feel, believe, and humbly offer is that (Living) these truths is becoming more and more relevant and more and more important. As things are "speeding up", people's natural inclination is to try to keep up and go faster. And, at the end of the day, it's not about "fast" or "slow" anyway, because those are relative terms and duality-based ones at that. The key, in my humble opinion, to handling all of this change is quite simply to be at your center. Be at your center. Not to lie to oneself, (or anyone else for that matter), to live in truth and integrity, to be mindful, to be kind, to set intentional thoughts and then pay attention to them and take action. To nurture oneself. It really is that "easy", even when it seems so hard sometimes. We are living in exciting times, and that is such a blessing!
A good metaphor for I found is to picture oneself, and one's energy field as that of a gyroscope. A gyroscope gets STRONGER as it goes faster, provided it is in full balance/full integrity. So as the pace of the world quickens, and we sometimes are pining for answers, there truly is nothing to fear. When we are at our center, it becomes much easier to "see what we need to see, hear what we need to hear", i.e. tune in to our intuition. And that is another way of expressing your well-placed, oft-repeated, "Profitability begins within."
I am realistic about the struggles, dissonance, and acrimony that we, as a society, are currently enduring. I do not have the blinders on, and there have been times in the past, I was so upset, at the state of the state, that I thought the funny farm was looking pretty good. "Profitability begins within." I looked inward, and in finding compassion for myself and the mistakes I had made, that had morphed into lessons/wisdom, found compassion for all other.
I feel we can either choose to create our reality or "be created". Live a dream, or hypnotically use device to escape. Having lived both sides of that coin, I now choose the formers.
Here are the 5 principles of Reiki:
Just For Today, I Will Let Go Of Worry
Just For Today, I Will Let Go Of Anger
Just For Today, I Will Love And Respect All Life Forms
Just For Today, I Will Count My Many Blessings
Just For Today, I Will Live My Life Honestly
If we could all commit to those for "just one today", then every tomorrow, and every previous today is brightened as well. If we all can live those mantras "just for today", our profitability will increase within, and we will also see that, I believe, manifest on our screens, and in the world as well.
I am honored to know such a groovy bunch at Minyanville, and save a spot for me at Festivus.
Good to be back, and much love,
Minyan Eric "Spicoli" Majeski
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