Reflections

As I reflect on 2009, I am reminded of the many blessed things that occurred healing-wise. In early Spring, after apprenticing, I received my medicine bag from Singing Man, an Arapaho Elder, with a blessing to facilitate purification lodges. A month later, I was attuned to the Shinpiden or Master level in Usui Reiki Healing. I found a questionnaire/paper I wrote at about the same time, for the Reiki attunement. Here are some blurbs, I share my process in hopes it adds to yours.

Hand-on healing occurs in childhood when your Mom may have put her hands on a scrape, bump, or bruise.

Shedding old systems has allowed me to develop healthier habits.

Let go and let God.

Doing things I say I can, rather than doing things others say I cannot.

Know who I am and what I came here to do.

Warm with fire(of truth), do not burn.

Healers don't heal people, they facilitate people healing themselves.

Balancing 'being' with 'doing'.

Chose peace over being right and stepped away(from a conflict).

I honor all that led me to this present moment, good, bad, and ugly.

Be in full integrity. Integrity just is. When integrity isn't, the way back to the center is to honor oneself starting with one's words and deeds.

Re-connected with Mother Earth.

Realized the importance of staying grounded. The more I am here in the present now, the more I can be ever-expansive, or (connected to) everywhere.


Everything or everyone we come in contact with has something to teach us.

I have more compassion for myself than I used to.

See how some of the people I have liked the least, have helped me grow the most.

Having joy, not just fun.

peace,

Eric

Happy Holidays!

A blessed holiday to all in whichever way you choose to celebrate. May you be abundant with joy, health, love, and spirit, this day, and every day throughout the new year.

Aho.

Eric

A Letter to a Lightworker

(This is a response to a query from a friend who loves to give but has trouble receiving, and is experiencing fatigue/exhaustion, stress, and a sense of being overwhelmed, even though the person eats right, exercises, and lives a conscious life. The allopathic(Western medicine) doctors have been unable to help this person. I share this response(with permission) in hopes it adds to your journey.)


I am writing this as a reminder of how things are changing on Mother Earth at this time. Take it as you will. You are very special. You have chosen to help so many, and transmute/transform so much, and perhaps that is why you have felt the need to "be the strong one" for so many, and also will indirectly explain the fatigue. You are growing. Rapidly. These are growing pains. Pain can be a great learner, and transformative, but my wish for you is never to suffer. I hope you get the answers you are searching for. All I can say(and I'm saying this as a reminder to myself as well) is these daily practices have helped me deal with some of the same conditions you describe. Hope it helps.

Nurture yourself--- We cannot give what we do not have. Receiving is an essential part of the giving/receiving equation. If you do not receive(love), you are taking away someone else's gift of giving. Think of the airplane analogy, when in the event of emergency, they instruct you to fill yourself w/oxygen before helping the child. Same concept.

Tai Chi/Yoga---To ground the new energies and shifts that you are experiencing. Helps one to remain centered as it feels like time (but is really just consciousness speeding up) is speeding up.

Breath/Meditation--- There are several simple ones that help on a daily basis. It's free, and helps ease anxiety, and bring the nervous system down a notch when we feel overwhelmed.

Walk, in the sun if possible--- Sun helps serotonin levels, which helps moods. Get as much sun as possible. If you're inside a lot, get one of those full spectrum light boxes.

Hydrate---Drink as much water as possible...When you r done, drink more water.

NO PROCESSED FOODS---you already know/live this.

Baths/Salt Scrubs---On a regular, to help cleanse your energy field.

Nature--Be with the Earth as much as you can, get some every day---gardens, parks, beach, and yes, hug a friggin' tree. Will help balance the chaotic vibration of the city...

Clear--Make it a constant practice to get rid of things you do not use, to create space for more goodness to come in. Let go of all that no longer serves you or your life. Feng shui, if you will, your entire life, it works on physical, emotional, and spiritual bodies.

Smile---Whatever makes you smile/laugh---do it.

Pray-- Whatever form that takes, whatever that word means to you..send light...be in gratitude.

Express yourself/love: Let no one tell you how to express, it is simply important that you do it with your true voice.

Ground: When you feel dizzy, use some grounding techniques...grab your favorite crystal, rub some tobacco in your hands, whole-brain postures, imagine a cord tethering you to the center of the Earth. Whatever resonates with you, stay grounded. Think of the gyroscope: As it speeds up, it becomes even stronger, provided it is in integrity, i.e. at its center.

Re-connect w/your feminine energy: do it in private if you have to, whatever you consider art, or right-brained activities, ballet, singing, magic, painting, whatever..let your inner artist shine...let your natural intuition flow....

hope these help.

many blessings,

Eric

(Feel free to send thoughts and comments to eric.majeski@gmail.com and/or contact me to learn more about an intuitive healing session)

We've Read the Wrong Books

I saw the movie 'Home' recently (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqxENMKaeCU ) with my Light Circle group at Columbia College. It is a graphic depiction of the situation on the planet at this time, and how scientists feel we have about 10 years or so to get our shit together as a species. So the question that's come up is, are we, as a human race going to make it?

I believe we will. And I'm not into being optimistic just for its own sake. In chatting with a member of an intentional community the other day, I said that the world is not all faeries and pixie dust. Group hugs and trust falls, while nice, aren't gonna reverse the damage to what Native Americans call Pachumama, or Mother Earth. We all need to answer the call to the sacred activist within. To be the change. The alternative? We will not survive as a species, probably within one or two lifetimes. Humans evolve, or humans become extinct. Pretty simple.

Having positive beliefs is different than just positively thinking. One can have all the positive thinking in the world, and still feel like shit behind closed doors, be depressed, experience chronic anxiety, etc. Positive thinking, while nice, comes from our conscious mind, and easily gets trumped by the behavioral programs, or beliefs running in our much more powerful subconscious mind. It's the same as when one goes to see a traditional clinical shrink, you sit on the couch and vent, it feels good for a little bit, you pay your money, pass go, and then a week later you're doing the same shit as before. A person with positive beliefs rooted at the subconscious level can recognize there is lots of disharmony and dissonance on Planet Earth at this time, and help said individual remain centered and at peace despite the outside noise or dissonance. A person with positive beliefs can have emotions such as anger, anxiety, fear, without those emotions "having" him or her. Positive beliefs are essential to sacred activism, in my humble opinion.


We've fucked up the biosphere(Earth) pretty good. 20% of humans consume 80% of the planet's resources. 40% of arable land has suffered permanent damage. Species are dying out at a rhythm 1000x faster than the natural rate. 3/4 of all fishing grounds are depleted, exhausted, or in dangerous decline.

Most human beings I know have good hearts. Most try to lead authentic and aware lives. Most live by the book and mean well. So how the hell are we literally on the brink of extinction as a species? How did we fuck things up this bad?

Simple. We've been reading the wrong books.

There is a lotta confusion out in the world because the Darwinists and Newtonian scientists have metaphorically peed in the cosmic chili. The science that our genes control our destiny is false, it is our beliefs that do. Our perceptions create our reality. Change the perception(at the subconscious level), and you change your reality. Our environments DO matter. In English: "survival of the fittest" has been the scientific basis running the show for the last couple hundred years, and with it the idea that we are all separate. Symptoms of this include that greed and consumption and competition are good. That you must lose in order for me to win. That I have to do whatever it takes to get the job, win the audition, accumulate as much as I can. To survive. This science works for the self-interested few(economic elite, politicians, church/religion, and so forth) as a means to maintain a stranglehold, on what else, POWER. The trickle effect leaks it down unconsciously to a popular culture that for a long time, was(is?) obsessed with, "keeping up with the Joneses". With material wants and over-consumption. I, at times, conscious or not, have been part of the problem. I, and many others, now have chosen, and choose every day to be part of the solution.

Dr. Bruce Lipton, molecular biologist and epigeneticist, and author of the Biology of Belief and Spontaneous Evolution, says that evolution is not random, and it is through cooperation that the first cells evolved into multi-cellular organisms. This has happened throughout evolution when faced with a biological imperative to do so. One might say the planet is at such a threshold. We must evolve, adapt, and thrive as a species, or we as an entire human race will perish and die.

A lot of things ARE seemingly backwards right now. The people in charge of our fiat-based consumer economy are punishing savers, and rewarding spenders, rewarding reckless risk-taking. We have inflation in things we need(food, energy, etc) and deflation in the shit we don't(DVD players, electronics, retail anything) Allopathic medicine is hamstrung by insurance companies and many doctors are frustrated and disempowered to do their true work, to heal and be one with the Hippocratic Oath. Politicians spend most of their time and money on re-election, not service. Scandals in religion. Wars against invisible enemies. Football is our national religion. (i like football, i'm just sayin')

All of this stems from the false notion that we are all separate from one another. This is simply not true. In the quantum world we live in, everything is connected. We are literally all One. The science has arrived. And only through cooperation do we have a chance to answer and transcend this biological imperative the planet is currently faced with.

The Mayans believe we are entering the Age of the 5th Sun, in which ethics will transcend power. It is already happening all around if one looks closely enough. There's over 1,000,000 organizations across the globe promoting conscious living and unity and sacred activism at this time. That number grows every month. It's not a point in time, but rather, a process. We haven't tapped the potential of 90% of our brain, and 80% of our DNA potential. Science, like Dr.Lipton's, is catching up to consciousness and spirit and religion. They are literally merging. They have always been one, but we have been conditioned and programmed and distracted from these facts, as a means of control.

My monkey mind doesn't know if we'll make it or not as a human race. If enough people wake up, if enough "imaginal" cells survive, and form a version of a galactic butterfly, or critical mass, we will. Ends are beginnings, death becomes re-birth, yadda yadda yadda.

I believe in my heart that we will evolve in time. And to quote from the movie Home, I feel, "It's too late to be pessimistic."

I choose to be positive, not in the aerie-faerie, singing Kum-ba-ya on the top of a mountain-sense, but in a way that my belief system is aligned positively to affect change, in myself, and for the planet, at this time.

It doesn't make it right or wrong, it simply makes it my choice.

Peace.

Eric

Love is the New Religion

(from www.thebigglow.com, re-printed in its entirety)


Love Is The New Religion

On the surface of the world right now there is war and violence and things
seem dark
But calmly and quietly, at the same time, something else is happening
underground
An inner revolution is taking place and certain individuals are being called
to a higher light
It is a silent revolution
From the inside out
From the ground up

It is time for me to reveal myself
I am an embedded agent of an secret, undercover
Clandestine
Global operation
A spiritual conspiracy
We have sleeper cells in every nation on the planet

You won't see us on the T.V.
You won't read about us in the newspaper
You won't hear about us on the radio

We don't seek any glory
We don't wear any uniform
We come in all shapes and sizes
Colors and styles

Most of us work anonymously
We are quietly working behind the scenes in every country and culture of
the world
Cities big and small, mountains and valleys, in farms and villages, tribes
and remote islands

You could pass by one of us on the street and not even notice
We go undercover
We remain behind the scenes
It is of no concern to us who takes the final credit
But simply that the work gets done

Occasionally we spot each other in the street
We give a quiet nod and continue on our way so no one will notice

During the day many of us pretend we have normal jobs
But behind the false storefront at night is where the real work takes place

Some call us the "Conscious Army"
We are slowly creating a new world with the power of our minds and hearts
We follow, with passion and joy
Our orders from the Central Command
The Spiritual Intelligence Agency

We are dropping soft, secret love bombs when no ones is looking
Poems
Hugs
Music
Photography
Movies
Kind words
Smiles
Meditation and prayer
Dance
Social activism
Websites
Blogs
Random acts of kindness

We each express ourselves in our own unique ways with our own unique
gifts and talents

"Be the change you want to see in the world"
That is the motto that fills our hearts
We know it is the only way real transformation takes place
We know that quietly and humbly we have the power of all the oceans
combined

Our work is slow and meticulous
Like the formation of mountains
It is not even visible at first glance
And yet with it entire tectonic plates shall be moved in the centuries to
come

Love is the new religion of the 21st century

You don't have to be a highly educated person
Or have any exceptional knowledge to understand it

It comes from the intelligence of the heart
Embedded in the timeless evolutionary pulse of all human beings

Be the change you want to see in the world
Nobody else can do it for you

We are now recruiting
Perhaps you will join us
Or already have....
All are welcome...
The door is open

-Brian Piergrossi
(From the book "The Big Glow")

Sweat Lodge Awareness

I am sure many of you have seen the recent tragedy that occurred at a New Age retreat held in Sedona by “guru” James Arthur Ray. A Native American sweat or purification lodge ceremony was conducted where three people died and 18 were injured.

Details are still forthcoming, but some relevant things are known: 60-plus people were in the lodge. Plastic was used to cover the lodge. Participants fasted for 2 days, and then had a breakfast the day of. Participants paid almost $10000 for the opportunity to spend 5 days at Mr. Ray’s seminar/retreat.

It is not known if Mr. Ray has had any type of training in pouring a sweat lodge. It is not known how many first-timers were in the lodge. There was a nurse present, but it is not known how many people were comfortable with and/or experienced with the sweat lodge ritual and protocols.

While holding in prayer those who died and/or were hurt in this debacle, I am intent on using this mishap as an opportunity to create awareness about this sacred ritual.

While I am not Native American by blood, I have been given my medicine bag by an Arapaho elder and been blessed to facilitate this sacred ceremony. This elder believes in sharing the ancient wisdoms, with those who wish to learn. It is through education, awareness and transparency that ultimately will see us all become one nation, and act as one collective human race.

I feel creating awareness about any and all things Native American will also help evolve and heal the massive wound to our indigenous people that occurred at the time of the birth of the United States.

Did you know our very own U.S. Constitution was roughly based on the model of the Iroquois Nation, and it was an Iroquois chief named Cannasastego who initially proposed the United States be formed as one nation?

Did you also know that when Christopher Columbus first hit American shores in 1492, there were estimated anywhere from 6 to 15 million Native Americans. Though genocide, warfare, disease, forced migration, that number is now in the low 6 figures.

My personal choice is to celebrate the Italian culture, not Columbus(Day).



So what is an Inipi, or sweat/purification lodge?

A sweat lodge is built out of tree saplings, and covered with tarps. Sacred stones, called “grandfather stones, are then brought into the lodge by the firekeeper. The stones are blessed with the Native medicines like sage, sweetgrass, and cedar. Water is then poured on the stones, inducing steam in a sauna-like effect. There are different traditions, and variations, to be sure, but most lodges will have 4 rounds. There is intention setting(or prayer, why one is particpating in the lodge), singing of songs, expression of gratitude, education, and knowledge sharing. The lodge is facilitated by a pourer, whose role is to monitor the ceremony and those participating.

From a dear indigenous medicine friend, revered in the community, and who has poured many lodges:

1. We never cover the lodge with plastic. We only use breathable canvas tarps and old blankets. This allows the steam to go through and avoid burns.
2. We do not force people to sit through the whole process if they can’t endure it, or if they do not feel like staying in.
3. We usually do not fast before a sweat. During the conclusion of some ceremonies where fasting takes place a sweat may follow, if this is the case a whole sweat ( 4 rounds) doesn’t take place.
4. The sweatlodge is not part of a course,workshop, or a training. It is a ceremony to clear the mind, body, share traditional teachings and jokes, send prayers and be in community.
5. There’s never a charge for ceremony, of course there is way to make sure the facilitator is taken care of, and a place and a procedure to do that. No money should be place near the altar or near the lodge.
6. The ceremony may get hot, but never to the point that someone can get hurt. The lodge has never been an endurance test, it is a place for community building and prayer.
7. We do not ingest anything illegal or psychotropic when we go into the sweat, the lodge is a place of ceremony not a rave-like event. We encourage sobriety at all times.
8. We always have helpers tending the fire and to the needs of those who participate in the ceremony.
9. I have the mentorship and monitoring of many indigenous elders and community, they hold me accountable if I deviate from the purpose of the ceremony.
10. Of course there is never any nudity inside the lodge.

The environment of the sweat is inclusive, family oriented, and part of a traditional way of life. We always have young ones, children and babies, who attend with their families.

All true, and so well and succinctly put. I am not here to judge what happened in Sedona, as everyone has their path in life, and sometimes things happen for reasons that are not immediately discernible. What I do aspire to do is to create awareness, and with that awareness hopefully empower people to empower themselves in their choicemaking.

I would add that while certain traditional protocols are maintained during the ceremony, there is no dogma, or adherence to any religion. People are encouraged to speak with their own words, and pray and talk in the manner with which their belief system is most comfortable.

I have experienced much insight and healing in my times of prayer in the purification lodge, and been blessed to witness and share in others' similar experiences as well.

If anyone has any questions about the sacred Inipi(sweat lodge), or would like to have a deeper discussion about some of our experiences, and how we can together create awareness, feel free to write me at eric.majeski@gmail.com

Aho.

Eric

Sweat Lodges

Note: I'm back from a recent sojourn to the Alps to hike and meditate and recharge. I will posting some thoughts on sweat lodges and the recent tragedy in Sedona in an effort to help create awareness. Aho. Eric

What have you learned from your infirmity?

"What is it that you have learned from your infirmity? ----Jesus the Christ, before he would administer a healing.

The idea being that pain is sometimes one of our greatest teachers. And that we have to learn what it is we need to learn from it, before the true healing or release can occur.

Ok, so what the heck have I learned from what is now 17 days of physical pain in my back/left arm?

My C3 and/or C5 nerve shut down, for those chiropractors/doctors out there. Sending intense pain down my whole arm and back....only the painkillers don't really work when the pain is neural. Anti-inflammatories and acupuncture take some of the edge off. I'm with a talented physical therapy guy who says 6-8 weeks of treatment and stretching and rest.

I've always had this one huge knot under my left scapula(inside rear left shoulder blade) which no amount of massage, acupuncture, muscle relaxers, Reiki, or many other modalities have been able to get to. I believe that to be what is releasing at this time.

I've become healthy enough, physically, emotionally, and otherwise, to have the strength to face a trauma that has been locked up for years. I have some ideas where this trauma came from, and more importantly, I simply know that it has always hurt there. And now, whether through meditation, or other means, I am able to, as the Buddhist would call, act as witness.

Witness the pain.

Yes, it sucks. Big time. But almost from the minute it occurred, I've been asking myself what the hell am I to learn from this? Once I fully "learn from my infirmity", I believe it will be fully released.

I did a balance facilitated by a healer friend Jessica, and through a kinesiology technique(muscle testing), I muscle-tested weak for the statement :

"It's OK to make mistakes."

Muscle testing weak refers to there is a limiting belief pattern in our subconscious field, which is holding us back in life. We all have cellular memory, and our essence is reflected in every one of our billions of cells. So if we believe something we will muscle test positive for it, because we literally believe it with every cell of our body. For the intent of this example, at that moment, I believed, at the subconscious level, "It's not OK to make mistakes."

It is the same concept of why authorities can see if you have done drugs by sampling your hair. The memory is embedded in the cells of your hair.

Quantum science says that are environments DO matter (www.brucelipton.com), biology of belief, and that we keep traumas at our cellular memory.

Ever have a big breakup with a boyfriend/girlfriend and you go and ask your hair stylist to cut all your hair off, and/or you decide to rid yourself of everything associated with that person?

Similar. This is a form of healing, whether one is conscious of it or not.

So I share my process in the hopes that it adds to yours. With my good friend Jess, I balanced for the statement, "It's Ok to make mistakes." Through a technique employing tenets of kinesiology, NLP, and acupressure, I am able to communicate with my subconscious mind, and "write" or "program" what belief I would like to shape my reality.

Our perceptions shape our reality. Change, or re-program the perception, and you change or re-program your reality, or life.

By doing this, I was able to resolve, dissolve, and evolve that particular internal conflict.

Think about this, the name of this blog is "the gift is in the wound", which, translated, means, our greatest gifts, or wisdoms, or learnings, are found in our greatest pains, or our greatest "mistakes". Our infirmities.

The medicine is in the pain. And I've had a lotta physical pain in the last 3 weeks. Lots of "medicine" or wisdom. If there is a limiting belief system active in my subconscious mind, that states, "It's not Ok to make mistakes.", well then I am not receiving said "gifts", or wisdoms.

I have learned from my infirmity.

Message #1: Slow the fuck down! Just be. In my zest and passion for life, just about everything sounds great, and I wish to directly experience as many things as possible. So I say yes to a lot of new things. While this is well-intentioned, it leaves me short of energy sometimes, with less to focus on the things I really am super passionate about.

I came up with a mantra that may resolve this "road to hell is paved with good intentions" phenomena.

"I will march to the things I AM passionate about, instead of being passionate about the things that I AM currently marching to"

Message #2: Write. Write. Write. Every day. Is it coincidental that my entire upper body has writhed in pain for nearly 3 weeks, EXCEPT for my right arm and hand, or writing arm and hand? And while I have been writing every day, it hasn't been in that way of, this is my life mission, or dharma, at this time.

Message received.

"Feather, Pebble, Brick."-----a saying referring to how universal messages will get louder and louder if you are out of sync, and not listening to them.

I got hit with the brick.

Message #3: A renewed sense of reverence, and awe at just how fragile life can be. Tomorrow is promised to no one, so I am going to choose(again) to enjoy my unfolding present moments even more. It should never take something bad, to make us realize how good we have it.

Tomorrow is promised to no one.

I am grateful for the newfound wisdom, and next time, I'll choose to tune in and listen when the "feather" arrives, rather than get drilled with the "brick".

Be well.

Aho,

Eric

Cuz I Choose To

(waking up at 4am on a recent Tuesday)

"What the FUCK!!!" "OWWWW!" My back is spasming in a type of excruciating pain I haven't felt since a reconstructive ankle surgery, circa 1992.

It's so early in the morn I think it a bad dream for a moment. I am a healer, and and an empath. In other words, it's real easy for me to "pick up" on O.P.P., other people's problems. To intuit other's people's energy. Intuition, it's all of our given birthright, and in many, it simply has been dulled by the static of our busy lives.

Me? Yeah, I'm down wit O.P.P. Except this time, this pain is all mine.

FUCK! I am in intense pain at this particular moment, and recall working out too hard yesterday and carrying my guitar and case 2 miles to the guitar shop because I was locked out of my house. Surely, it's neuromuscular, I say to myself.

FUCK! I can't feel my left hand. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Nope. Sorry. I'm a semi-expert at breath, I teach the shit, for fuck's sake, and the only breath thats seemingly gonna do any work here is my potential last one, or so it feels.

It's hard to collect your thoughts when your whole body is in massive pain. I have a high tolerance for pain. My left arm is numb. I have a daughter. The choice is pretty clear. I go to the E.R.

The intern nurse sees me and speaks up, "you probably have carpal tunnel syndrome"

Clearly this young female is some sort of Jedi master(sarc), realizing that nothing is going to take away my pain at this moment, but she can distract me by saying something completely asinine as suggesting people go to the E.R at 5 a.m. on Tuesdays to get carpal tunnel treatment.

I reply, "Listen bitch, I've been eating pain omelettes for breakfast for 30+ years, been to hell and back, and had demons rip off my head and shit down my neck, so put chapter 3 of your nurse handbook down and get me someone who knows what the fuck they're talking about" (on the inside)

My real response: "look, i highly doubt this is carpal tunnel syndrome, my whole left arm is numb, and I'm in unbearable pain. May I see a doctor please?"

I know the nurse is doing her best. I simply share my felt-sense of the moment and process in hopes in may add to yours. This notion of enlightenment isn't all faeries and pixie dust.

To be sure, the senior nurse, and the resident doctor were absolutely amazing. 'Becca', actually did keep me distracted with conversation as I was in agonizing pain, even though it was the end of what she said was a trying shift. The physical explanation is it turns out to be a massive strain, with some entrapped nerves. My ticker is fine.

My first hint is this is something a bit more metaphysical than that comes when the morphine doesn't dull the pain one iota. They do a neck X-Ray as a precaution, say I might need an MRI, and send me on my way.

Nine days later, 2 doctor's visits, 2 acupuncture treatments, and a shitload of self-healing and introspection later, and we come to the present day. I wake up and I'm still in so much pain I'm punchy. I let out a helpless chuckle. It's like masturbating with a cheese grater, slightly amusing but mostly painful.

This really has sucked. Haven't been able to strum the six-string, write, exercise, or most of all, engage in active play with my daughter.

I'm exhausted. And this exhaustion is actually a key component here in being open enough to receive the medicine, or wisdom from this particular situation. When one achieves exhaustion, the ego can't help but surrender. It stops holding on for dear life, trying to be relevant, and then, and only then can one receive the deeper message.

I've always had this spot under my left scapula(rear shoulder), and no amount of treatment, massage, reiki, acu, psych-k, or any other modality has ever been able to release this one knot, this one pain, this one trauma.

I realize this release is what is now occurring. I'm in the best shape of my life, pushing myself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually over the past 15 months. I've finally peeled enough layers of the artichoke to get to the "tasty" heart. It's counter-intuitive, but I've finally become healthy enough to receive this pain. To be with it. To sit with it. To 'hold space' for this trauma to be released. So why 9 days of it?

Sometimes things are more of a process rather than a point. Each clue builds on another. One night, my healer friend Jess does some work on my emotional body through kinesiology. I muscle test weak for the statement, "It is OK to make mistakes." Which in lay terms, means I am "programmed" subconsciously, with a filter that says I have to be perfect at all times.

I don't know about you, but consciously I've come to associate perfectionism as completely fear-based.

Imagine being a DJ at a radio station spinning tunes, and your station manager says, "Spin the wrong tune and you're fired."

"How do I know what's a wrong tune?"

"You'll know it when you've been fired."

The good news is we can actually re-write the "softwares" that have been downloaded into the hard drive that is our brain. Yup, we can choose which program or belief, we want to hold onto or let go.

Argue for your limiting beliefs and fucking A right, you own 'em.

So I keep the positive polarities of all behaviors/beliefs, and release the negative ones. All of it is simple perception anyway, i.e., this thing called life is an illusion.

Jess and do an exercise(balance) to "take that tune off my playlist", and I'm one clue closer.

The exhaustion serves. The ego, which is holding on for dear life to be relevant, surrenders. Today I was exhausted mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, too. I literally didn't want to write, and questioned just about everything I was doing spiritually or artistically in the last 48 hours.

I also just got a job opportunity that were it a year ago, I probably would've cut a finger off for. I said no to the opportunity. It wasn't easy. The job would mean added levels of 'security' and financial freedom, but at a cost. To my soul. To my spirit.

How much is enough?

This opportunity was the equivalent of wanting to date that special someone, who you "know" you have a strong connection with but has been non-responding, then finally you just resign yourself to "it ain't happenin' ". You let go, you trust the lessons you've learned, and move on. And at that very moment, they call you on the phone, or show up naked at your doorstep.

Only you're not interested anymore.

That was then and this is now.

It's an exercise in what Buddhists call that place of non-attachment(to outcome). Letting go of the possibility that was, to allow room for the possibility that IS, with another. Oftentime, we'll rationalize a person's behavior because we think we love them, but what is really occurring is we love the thought of loving them. At the time, it feels like you are connected beyond belief, and that is OK---it is wonderful to see the possibility in anything. It is a gift to be able to view the world in that way.

The place I've evolved to is to choose to make manifest any possibility I decide. It's a subtle change, and one that has involved taking responsibility for my path, and responsibility for my own healing.

There is sometimes a moment of sadness in letting go, when you feel or see something that the other does not. We humans sometimes let things get or go too far before we realize what was right in front of us, and ultimately, that turns out to be an essential part of our growth. We all have our path, and we learn and navigate said path to the best of our ability, or at our highest level of awareness at the time.

Letting go is liberating.

Back to the present day: I serendipitously lost my car for 1 1/2 hrs today, and got tired physically as well from walking. This is a nice metaphor, to lose one's car, or "ability to drive" temporarily. I would find, that it wasn't until I re-planted my flag, or re-declared my intention to the universe that things would sync up again.

i will write in, as, and with Spirit

It's 4 pm on a Wednesday. I'm still in pain. I pound an ibuprofen or 7, and a shot of whiskey.

For just a moment, I feel like I'll never write another word. As if I'll never have the physical capability to pick up my guitar, or much worse, my daughter again. Like what's the point of all of it anyway.

AND THEN I REMEMBER:

I CHOSE ALL OF THIS.

It's been 9 days, and with that one recognition, the tears start flowing, and I have instant recognition where the trauma came from, what the lesson is, and the release occurs quicker than a female Asian blackjack dealer takes all of your money(trust me on this one).

Getting to that point, is the point. The purpose of the journey is the journey itself. It's not good or bad, it just is. There is no "right" way to be grateful. I am grateful.

And ever more so, now that my wing was 'broken' for 9 days. I am ever more grateful for the ways in which I am able to participate in this thing we call life. I have even more compassion for those who will never be able to pick up their child, or those who cannot exercise due to some physical malady.

Maybe next time I'll get the memo before this pain actually happens. But then again, the medicine, or wisdom, wouldn't be the same. I would find out later that astrologically, over the past couple nights, both Mercury and Mars have formed annoying quincunxes with Chiron the Wounded Healer, bringing up issues that make us emotional vulnerable.

Did that make the little dickhead gnome on my shoulder order the trans-fat philly steak rolls at dinner instead of the healthy collard green salad with avocado?

What the fuck is a quincunx?

Here's what I do know:

Muscle memory is greater than what we refer to as our normal, or mind memory. Translation: we may have traumas---emotional, spiritual, or physical, and they are stored at the cellular level, and we may have consciously forgotten about them, as a defense mechanism.

Western society has been conditioned to fear pain. To mitigate pain. To stay away from pain. That pain is bad! We receive this message from economic policymakers who try to stave off natural economic contractions. From doctors who write prescriptions for symptoms rather than addressing source problems. From an image-conscious society that creates false idols.

A shift in perception is needed.

Look, I am not into being a pain glutton, in fact, I think pain sucks the royal karmic ass. I'm simply acknowledging it's role in making us a concentric whole being. I'm simply discerning that we grow from pain, and pain can be healthily transformative, while suffering is oftentime a choice we make for ourselves to keep ourselves in mental prisons.

I may have allowed myself to suffer a bit.

In the past, I may have drank the pain away. I may have kept myself sooooo distracted I never had to face said shadow.

And if that was my highest level of awareness at the time, that's fine too. Wherever you go, there you are. (wow that's deep, Forrest)

This time I leaned into the pain.

Why?

My experience has been that when we are able to "lean in" to the pain just a bit, we are rewarded with oh so much wisdom.

I'll leave you for now with a quote from a movie I just watched again, Matrix Revolutions, one that resonates with me.

From the Matrix Revolutions, Agent Smith: why, Mr. Anderson, why? Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you're fighting for something, for more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is, do you even know? Is it freedom or truth, perhaps peace -- could it be for love? Illusions, Mr. Anderson, vagaries of perception. Temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them as artificial as the Matrix itself. Although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love. You must be able to see it, Mr. Anderson, you must know it by now! You can't win, it's pointless to keep fighting! Why, Mr. Anderson, why? Why do you persist?

NEO: CUZ I CHOOSE TO.

Peace,

Eric

(if you're interested in contacting Eric for a healing session or re-writing the limiting belief softwares of your brain, you may contact him at eric.majeski@gmail.com)

The Chrysallis is Forming

Ever clean your house and it just makes you realize how dirty it actually is? Ever wake up from a nap seemingly more tired than you were when you laid your head down? Perhaps you had a bite to eat and now you are even more hungry. You work out after months, and it highlights to you how much your muscles have atrophied. Maybe you've experienced having great sex for the first time in awhile, and suddenly went from never thinking about it, to it's all you think about, and you wonder why it's been so long.

These are all signs of waking up, in a sense. Of becoming more aware. The transition from static to dynamic. From stuck into motion. Our bodies, minds, and spirits will go into a numb slumber if we do not practice with them. They'll adjust as they have to, when we don't pay attention to them, to survive, even if the environment is less than optimal.

Similarly, do you ever do something you feel is good for you, only to emerge feeling worse for it? Also, do you ever focus more on what you don't have, rather than what you do? Do you ever add one too many brushstrokes to a painting you knew in your heart was already complete?

Do you ever find yourself consuming too much, past the point of satisfaction?

If you do, you're not alone. We live in a consumer society, and although it's shifting, everywhere we look around us every day, is part of a system based on material consumption. Though we are becoming ever more conscious of our purchases, there is still a huge "Buy shit you don't need, with money you don't have." advertising machine humming along.

This conditioning pervades our lives in ways we may not even be aware of. (until we are)

I recently experienced this feeling after a recent guitar lesson. I've been actively working with an instructor for 6 months now, and on a rather ordinary Wednesday a month ago, I had a mini-epiphany, or breakthrough. We were discussing music theory, and BAM!, one magical moment caused weeks of progress fits and starts to synthesize in my head. All of a sudden, "I got it". Kinda like a baby realizing it can walk for the first time. This moment then brought my instructor, a brilliant technician on the guitar, back to that innocent time and place when the guitar was a love for him, and not just an obligation.

I was feeling quite satisfied.

Caught up in the high energy of the moment, my instructor started drilling more theory into my head, what was now possible for me to play, and where we could go from here. He basically saw the crack, or opening in my dense "guitar learning armor" and was trying to funnel as much light, or knowledge, as he could while this crack was still open.

Within moments, I was exhausted and the moment was gone. By tapping into new levels of "what I now know", a pandora's box of "what I now don't know" was opened. The old ceiling had become the new floor of possibility. I became keenly aware of how vast my "new guitar world" was, and when I thought about it too much, it was a bit overwhelming.

I had consumed too much.

Once I started thinking about it, I got too much in my mind, and left my heartspace, and I left the present moment. Once I left the present moment, it became about where I am going with my guitar, rather than enjoying where I am with my guitar.

Destination focus rather than journey enjoyment, all that jazz.

I do appreciate my instructor's passion, who is well-intentioned, and simply wants the best for me, in terms of reaching my true potential. And with that in mind, the question is how do we stay "whelmed" without being overwhelmed? How does one become OK with or embody satisfaction rather than needing to be full?

Chew on that for a moment. Do you eat a meal until you're satisfied, or until you're full? Do you eat everything on your plate just because it's there?

Maybe it's time we put a little less on our plate then.

I know my quality of life has gone up dramatically as I have continued to put less on my plate(and it's still a work in progress) literally and figuratively, connect with nature, and simply do things that I love to do, without fear of judgment or care for acceptance from others.

It makes me wonder why I ever cared about things like being accepted for anything other than who I am. It makes me wonder why I ever cared about material things, or ate until I was full, or worshipped to the false idols of things like money. Or why I was so reluctant to make the changes I knew in my heart were true. I was part of the over-consumption problem.

But I did feel those things, and the pain that occurred from being so disconnected, is the same pain that brought this disconnection into my awareness, and thus, helped me re-connect with my true self and choose to be part of the solution.

We live in a consumer and materialistic society, and although it is shifting, many of us are conditioned from birth that more is better, to accumulate, to win the trophy, to compete. It is a society that has utilized popular culture catchphrases such as "keep up with the Joneses", and "bigger is better" as a cause to act, or behave a certain way.

And while peer pressure to act a certain way has always existed in some form, concern for all things image, material gain, and destination-oriented thinking in regards to what one does or who one is, reached its egregious pinnacle during the last decade.

Symptoms of this egoic system include: the Steroids Era in our national pastime baseball, where cheating and lack of integrity were glossed over as record ticket and TV revenues lined corporate pockets; the reckless risk taking on Wall Street and taxpayer bailout; the obnoxious massive national debt/deficit, which has transferred responsibility of out-of-control spending for the past 20 years to next generation's children, and their children, and control exhibited through the attempted reduction of personal freedoms, and a bull market in fear-based marketing: see War on Terror.

'Do as I say, not as I do' seems like an appropriate mantra for the Era.

These are all products and part of the morphic field of the Baby Boomer generation, a generation initially associated with the Peace, Love, and Harmony of the Woodstock Festival. At this time, the 40th anniversary of that festival, I contemplate how this generation as a whole got so disconnected from itself, from the live and let live vibration. And I think about the impending identity crises this generation faces as it comes to grips with its own mortality. And what an opportunity that is, for them, and for humanity. We're ALL responsible for the healing of this planet, and I simply acknowledge how much impact the Boomers have had on popular culture for the past 60 years, and will continue to have as they age.

It's not good or bad, it just is.

We see the old structures embodying these disconnects right before our eyes. There are identity crises occurring everywhere. Wall Street. Politics. Sports. Religion.

The world is changing. The planet is shifting. Welcome to Chaos Theory: An organism through change can either: Adapt, Survive, and Thrive.....or Perish and Die. Choose to be part of the evolution of the new butterfly if you will, or go the way of the bloated caterpillar.

President Obama spared no punches in addressing this phenomenon, when he gave this commencement address at Arizona State in May:

"Other classes have received their diplomas in times of trial and upheaval, when the very foundations of our lives have been shaken, the old ideas and institutions have crumbled, and a new generation is called on to remake the world," he said. He said many graduates will want to grab at what he called "the usual brass rings" -- a who's who list, or a top 100 list, or a big corner office, or an important title, or a nice car. "But at this difficult time, let me suggest that such an approach won’t get you where you want to go; that in fact, the elevation of appearance over substance, celebrity over character, short-term gain over lasting achievement is precisely what your generation needs to help end," he said. When he called on "young people like you to step up" he was quick to add that his definition of young was not necessarily an age but an attitude: "A willingness to follow your passions, regardless of whether they lead to fortune and fame. A willingness to question conventional wisdom and rethink the old dogmas. A lack of regard for all the traditional markers of status and prestige – and a commitment instead to doing what is meaningful to you, what helps others, what makes a difference in this world."

What we are witnessing in this lifetime, maybe even in this here decade, as Bush passed the torch off to Obama, is the changing of the guard from the Love of Power to the Power of Love. Does that sound a little too New Agey? Perhaps, but I see it all around. The Internet is speeding up consciousness. People are being empowered to take personal responsibility for their own lives and own healings, as the old structures and beliefs fail to serve them. People are returning to simpler way of life, a deeper communion to nature/Earth, and finding their passion and following it.

Is there turmoil? Sure there is. With any massive changing of the guard, there is chaos. And to further, those who argue for their limiting beliefs, well, sure enough, they own them. And always will, until they learn what they need to learn from them, to evolve.

Rather than get upset over the overconsumption of the past 30 years, or my times of disconnection, I focus on being my own change, and remind myself to focus again on the caterpillar/butterfly metaphor. Before it metamorphizes into the butterfly, the caterpillar consumes 300x of its body weight on its way to forming its chrysallis. It then sheds 1/2 of its body weight, and becomes this vibrant little flying miracle.

There is hope.

We, as a society, and as a country,....check that....as a human race, are in the process of forming the chrysallis.

We have consumed 300x our weight, and beginning the process of shedding 1/2 of our body.

The caterpillar that is the old paradigms/old belief systems are dying off, no matter how much one may resist it. The question that remains to be seen, is whether enough of the butterfly cells survive and emerge, and the butterfly that is a new world dream recognizes itself as the magnificient, free-flying miracle that it is.

As more and more human beings continue to awaken and connect with who they truly are, the clusters of conscious 'butterfly cells' here and there will grow ever larger. And as the Boomers, who by sheer size have massively affected popular culture their entire existence, undergo their form of mortal chaos/transformation, and re-connect with their true Woodstock-root selves of peace, love, and harmony, a tidal wave of 'butterfly cells' will be the light switch that is flipped, and a form of galactic butterfly representing a new world will recognize itself as such and emerge, and so will a "cosmic global party", that makes Woodstock seem like a nice burp.

A new world is truly upon us.

So how do we all get to this happy place?

There isn't any one way, just your own one true way.

Living with gratitude helps, and I've found out along my way, I don't need something bad to happen to realize what a gift every day is.

For me, I will simply continue to put less on my plate, take what I need and give the rest back, connect and be with nature, help others help themselves, and do the things I love to do.

Peace.

Eric

Tradition, Not Antiquated

I'm sitting on a green blanket in the middle of the grassy field at Pritzker Pavillion in Milennium Park, Chicago, Il. It's 5 o' clock, and I am 2 1/2 hours early for a free concert to be held here later this evening. Being early is relative as I am "write" on time to put pen to paper.

Fifteen minutes go by, and I realize though my mind is bubbling with ideas, so far there is but one paragraph written on the page. Yup, here we go. Complete static. There is a veritable traffic jam of words and phrases in my head, and the traffic cop(me) isn't sure where this one begins or ends. A bitch of a quagmire, and already I'm way too much in my head. For me, it feels like I'm driving on a street that is a 2-sided cul-de-sac, with no exit. Something has to shift, so I recall immediately the only set of rules I enacted for this still young writing journey, 1)Writing is to be a joy 2)When writing is not a joy, re-read rule #1. With that, I take out my medicine bag, offer a pinch of tobacco to the land, and say a quick prayer of gratitude for all that is. I meditate for a couple minutes.

I chuckle at how I used to think one needed to be on a mountain with a robe on to meditate. Or that I couldn't possibly like watching Bears football on Sunday AND be spiritual.

I feel my feet in the grass, the warm sun on my skin, look at my hands and am thankful just for having hands.

Shift happens.

My creativity pipe has been snaked, and the energy is now free to flow. I spend a moment admiring the pavillion structure. It is modern and metallic, and though I'm not entirely sure of what I am looking at, the feeling it evokes is that happy point of all places that is simple come full circle through complexity. Like a good chili that has many ingredients, and many tastes that converge into one delicious dish, the building transits seamlessly into the cement jungle that is the city skyline. A bridge from the science of the material world to the artistry of nature. When I consider all the artistic creation that the pavillion has birthed, calling this structure a portal that connects the celestial heavens to the Earth, the stars to the ground, doesn't seem so far-fetched.

The day has been one of symmetry, synchronicity, and flow for me. I went to study and just be with the butterflies at the nature museum. On my way there, I stopped to get a smoothie at the local Jamba Juice. My smoothie is delivered 45 seconds after I ordered it, and I realize the barista was working on it before I came in the store.

"Did you know I was coming?", I ask, "or are you simply the Luke Skywalker of smoothie baristas?" She smiles, and gives me a mischievous wink that says, "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you." I smile and walk out. Suddenly, the whole, "what came first, the chicken or the egg debate?" makes sense to me. Neither. Or both.

I am the chicken. And the egg.

After leaving the museum, I go home to clean up, and have an intuition to head down to Milennium Park. They often have free concerts at the downtown outdoor ampitheatre, so I check online to see what tonight's fare is.

A band named OTTO.

Palindromes are cool. Sold.

I get to the park and see 2 drum sets and lotsa brass instruments. Double sold. I've been to hundreds of music shows and double percussion(2 drum sets) is at the top of my list for, "This band is not gonna suck" clues. A brass section is a close second, followed by electric violin, and then a backup R&B section with 400 lb black women.

My leg falls asleep from sitting on it for 30 minutes. I ponder for a moment if it was REM sleep, and if legs can have dreams.

I digress.

Sitting on the fresh green grass, I feel pretty connected. Seven different people in a span of 20-25 minutes walk up and introduce themselves. I recognize this past weekend was the 40th anniversary of the Woodstock peace and love music festival. It feels like many are tuned in to that vibrational frequency, or "radio station".

The show is still 30 minutes from starting. Fifty yards to my left, there is an operatic singer informally practicing her arias in front of an entranced audience of thirty people. Children to my right are playing and laughing. A cute couple straight ahead are play wrestling in what seems to be some strange mating ritual. There is another man with his shirt off doing some form of bizarre interpretive dance. He looks like a rhino trying to have sex with itself is the best way I can describe it. This field is alive with all sorts of things.

There is one man who has a real curious energy. He glances at me, and gives me the "stink eye". Sorry, Charlie. No room for that energy here, that is all yours. He looks like he's just done something wrong, or is about to. I remind myself not to judge. Mostly, I can just see the pain in his eyes, and I say a prayer to myself that his pain not be suffering.

I reflect on the notion of "pain."

Pain, like life, is temporary. Pain can be one of our greatest teachers if we just lean into it a little bit. If we can sit with it. Be with it. What happens when you have a kickass workout at the gym? The next day muscles are incredibly sore. This pain is from the process of the muscle breaking down, scarring, and building back up even bigger and stronger.

The same thing happens with our emotional body, too, as long as we let it. Emotional scars can morph into emotional muscles. The name of this blog, 'The Gift is in the Wound', means exactly that. There is medicine, or wisdom, in all of our traumas, or wounds. And they are gifts. The universe sends us 'teachers' in many forms, so we can learn, evolve, and be even more connected to our true path. Western society, in my humble opinion, has been conditioned to mute pain, or make it go away, or run/escape from it. Treat(drug) the symptom, rather than sit with the source. Us humans often do that with the emotional body as well, only we find distractions, diversions, escapes, rationalizations, heck, how 'bout a dozen chocolate chip cookies and a cup of hot fat to go with it? Retail therapy, anyone?

Pain is Ok. Pain can be transformative. Suffering is often time a choice we make. We make choices based upon our belief systems, systems that are inherited from generation to generation. These systems can be incredibly limiting, and many times, don't represent who we truly are. We then go through our life journey trying to remember. Who we are. Why we're here. When questioning my belief system, I ask simple questions: Is this a joyous tradition, or is it stuck and antiquated? Is this for the best and highest good of all? Is this coming from a place of love, or a place of fear? Traditions, customs, rituals that are handed down from one generation to the next are the essence of life. That said, they can also outlast their utility in an ever-changing world.

The great paradox of tradition, is that every tradition starts with a first year. And that we can make a choice at any time to change or shift how we perceive the world.

I am in sync right now. I am outside at a concert, with a beautiful friend who creatively inspires me. I am in nature. There is music playing that moves me. I am creating. People all around are happy and smiling. I'm really feelin' it. I am just being. Feels like the seeds of a new tradition. A shift.

This moment is truly perfect.

And I couldn't be in this perfect now, without all of my previous less than perfect 'now' moments.

Which kinda makes those moments perfect, too, doncha think?

Aho.

Eric

Profitability Begins Within

(I wrote this letter awhile back to trader friend Todd Harrison, founder of the financial education website www.minyanville.com . Minyanville is an authentic community that educates and inspires, where Todd has been bringing light and truth to a business world that oh, so desperately needs it for over 7 years now. His personal and professional transformation has been, frankly, inspiring to watch. The letter was posted as an Op-Ed and I share it with you today)


Toddo-

I found it interesting your mention of 2012 today. As you know, I am a full-time daytrader. What you may not know is that I am also an energy healer, used to own a consciousness bookstore, and sit in/help moderate a consciousness class at a local college (I know, insert (un)consciousness and Spicoli jokes here, life works in funny ways). We've been talking a lot about 2012.

Over the past couple of years, I've spoken with Mayan chiefs, performed ceremony with Peruvian shamans, and broke bread with many indiginous peoples. They are all quite concerned about the world's path/evolution and whether or not we (as a human race) are going to make it. They pray every day for you, me, and all sentient beings worldwide. A positive development is they are opening up their formerly guarded wisdom circles to help us make this transition and bridge the old with the new.

I felt compelled to write because as we approach it, 2012 will be entering in our collective stream of consciousness more and more. And therefore, needs to be on the readerships' radar. There are those that suggest it will be another Y2K? That is for the individual to decide for themselves, from a place of knowledge.

I will save my more subjective, speculative, and esoteric views for our next campfire-side chat.

Practically speaking what I will say is, if it seems like life is going fast and things are speeding up, it is because it is and they are. Literally. Changes are occurring rapidly, in the world and in ourselves. We don't need a calendar to tell us this, and according to the Mayan right now we are experiencing a full cycle in 360 days. I believe this helps me to make some sense of the massively volatile moves we are seeing in the market, oil market, commodities, etc. News cycles are happening at an accelerated rate. We have to shift our thought of what time and space really is. Think of a cycle as a generation. The term "generation gap" in our lifetime represented approximately 20-25 years, and defined as the cultural differences between generations. In tribal times, a "generation", or an evolutionary leap, would take thousands of years to play out. In 4 short years, this same "cycle" will happen over a course of a mere 20 days. Talk about a lot of death/rebirthing!. Do things seem fast now? They are only going to get "faster". It's not so hard to fathom when one considers the evolution of computing power, technology, and Moore's law.

Though true change comes from transformation sometimes born of chaos, it's been my experience that us humans sometimes fear change, and also fear uncertainty (though life itself is hardly certain). It's also true we are living in a time of unprecedented velocity of change, and unprecedented uncertainty. Thus, unprecedented fear. So what is one to do? People/friends ask me this often, and are surprised when I offer some Pollyanna to the current Cassandra.

You already nail it in your consistent message of mindfulness, "the purpose of the journey is the journey itself", living your truth, keeping your word, etc. Thank you for that, btw. You are a true light, and I am grateful to know you and to be sharing this journey with you. What I feel, believe, and humbly offer is that (Living) these truths is becoming more and more relevant and more and more important. As things are "speeding up", people's natural inclination is to try to keep up and go faster. And, at the end of the day, it's not about "fast" or "slow" anyway, because those are relative terms and duality-based ones at that. The key, in my humble opinion, to handling all of this change is quite simply to be at your center. Be at your center. Not to lie to oneself, (or anyone else for that matter), to live in truth and integrity, to be mindful, to be kind, to set intentional thoughts and then pay attention to them and take action. To nurture oneself. It really is that "easy", even when it seems so hard sometimes. We are living in exciting times, and that is such a blessing!

A good metaphor for I found is to picture oneself, and one's energy field as that of a gyroscope. A gyroscope gets STRONGER as it goes faster, provided it is in full balance/full integrity. So as the pace of the world quickens, and we sometimes are pining for answers, there truly is nothing to fear. When we are at our center, it becomes much easier to "see what we need to see, hear what we need to hear", i.e. tune in to our intuition. And that is another way of expressing your well-placed, oft-repeated, "Profitability begins within."

I am realistic about the struggles, dissonance, and acrimony that we, as a society, are currently enduring. I do not have the blinders on, and there have been times in the past, I was so upset, at the state of the state, that I thought the funny farm was looking pretty good. "Profitability begins within." I looked inward, and in finding compassion for myself and the mistakes I had made, that had morphed into lessons/wisdom, found compassion for all other.

I feel we can either choose to create our reality or "be created". Live a dream, or hypnotically use device to escape. Having lived both sides of that coin, I now choose the formers.

Here are the 5 principles of Reiki:

Just For Today, I Will Let Go Of Worry
Just For Today, I Will Let Go Of Anger
Just For Today, I Will Love And Respect All Life Forms
Just For Today, I Will Count My Many Blessings
Just For Today, I Will Live My Life Honestly

If we could all commit to those for "just one today", then every tomorrow, and every previous today is brightened as well. If we all can live those mantras "just for today", our profitability will increase within, and we will also see that, I believe, manifest on our screens, and in the world as well.

I am honored to know such a groovy bunch at Minyanville, and save a spot for me at Festivus.

Good to be back, and much love,

Minyan Eric "Spicoli" Majeski

Some of my Favorite Sayings

The purpose of the journey is the journey itself.

Be good at what you do, and better at who you are.

Live in the land of "and". (not but)

Tomorrow is promised to no one.

If you get rid of the how, you'll get into the now.

There is perfection in imperfection.

Worrying is like praying for the worst to happen.

Just for today, I will not worry.

Dare to dream.

Contribute, don't condemn or try to convert.

Treat the Earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children.

The sword that is you is already complete. Mastery is a lifelong journey or a process, not a destination or a point.

Synthesis instead of analysis.

Create space, and you'll have space to create.

Love everyone, choose who you like.

There is a gift inside every wound.

It's OK to have (blank), it's not OK to let (blank) have you.

As you believe, so it is.

A spirit having a human experience, not a human having a spiritual experience.

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

Let your light shine bright, and you unconsciously give other permission to do the same.

Only love is real.

There is Perfection in Life's Imperfection

I'm sitting next to an oak tree in the middle of nowhere, Indiana, and as I'm watching a caterpillar pull itself up to a branch, I am in contemplation mode. The 3-hour sweat lodge ceremony I facilitated ended an hour ago, and I'm needing some alone time to help ground my energy and commune with nature, before I reconvene with friends to bang on the guitar and sing some songs. It is the proverbial pause that refreshes. The equivalent of cleansing one's palette by eating a piece of ginger in between pieces of delicious sushi. While in the lodge, the role as leader/facilitator is to hold space for the participants so they can process what they need to, and now that it has ended, I'm letting Mother Earth hold space for me. What does "holding space" mean? Isn't that phrase counter-intuitive?

Holding space for others is about letting things unfold for them. Letting life happen with them. Allowing. Letting go. Simply being.

In the sweat lodge, 'holding space' is part creating and maintaining a safe environment for people to explore themselves, their wounds, their past, as they search for the "medicine", or wisdom that lies inside of them. 'Holding space' is part divine indifference, respecting that even though one's mind may think it sees problems that one could "fix", partially because they mirror one's own path, that one then chooses to stay out of the way, out of judgment, knowing everyone has their own sacred path, and life lessons to live and learn. The visual of a hollow root comes to mind, visible for everyone to see, and completely open and transparent so nothing gets caught. I am this hollow root. As for what we CAN do, is share one's own process, one's own experiences, in the hopes that it adds to anothers, which, is the ultimate intent for this blog. It is part respecting the traditional forms, whilst acknowledging the inherent death/re-birth paradox of the cycle of life that every tradition begins with a first year.

It is mostly seeing the perfection in all life's imperfection.

I hadn't ever been conditioned to this line of thinking. For most of my life, I have been "destination-oriented". Win the game, get the trophy, make the grade, beat the benchmark. And this isn't a bad or a good thing. It just is. I learned things like perserverance, independence, hard work, teamwork, drive. And they still exist for me, it's just they have a different voice, that of the caterpillar.

I used to try to save things, and rescue things, whether it be a relationship that just has outlasted its time or utility, a bad business idea, how 'bout all that shit that piles up in your garage that you never use? It amounts to stuck, or stale energy. There is a cycle to all things. We can either listen to our hearts and flow with it, or we can rationalize it ten ways under the sun, even though it doesn't feel right. We humans are dynamic creatures, always evolving, always shifting, whether we know it or not. The pattern for me would be to try to make things happen, instead of letting things unfold. The metaphor would be that I would see someone tied up on the train tracks, with a train coming right at them, and want to be the hero that saved them, but the train and the rope were both in my head. My ego. Our perceptions form our beliefs, and the great thing is quantum science allows that we can tune into a different channel on the perception radio station anytime we choose. More on that later.

I would try to take people's pain away, thinking pain meant something was wrong, not realizing then that the gift of pain is usually where grace is found. Where wisdom is found. Healers don't "heal", they facilitate healings. Healers don't fix, they help people help themselves.

You know that biblical saying, "give a man a fish, he eats for a day, teach a man to fish, he eats for life". There is some truth to that. Of course, I'll mess with my healer friends and say, "Just gimme one fucking fish, one fish, one nugget of wisdom.......and stop trying to teach me how you fish, I already know how to fish." They'll throw it back and say, "if you knew how to fish, you wouldn't be asking for a meal", lol.

Imagine though if you could glean just one wisdom nugget from everyone who crossed your path, no matter who or what they were or believed, what their skin color, gender, age, or whether or not they ate tuna tartare, Cheerios, rice, or Skittles for breakfast.

That is a lot of nuggets.

And that is the essence of abundance, and when you tap into that, it(abundance) will permeate all areas of your life.

Learning what to do is often a direct result of learning what not to do. I like peanut butter, I like tuna fish. I don't like them on the same sandwich. I don't like rhubarb, but I like to say rhubarb. I think 2 times zero should be 2, but since 6 billion other sentient human beings think 2 times zero is zero, I roll with it and figure out how to live in the latter's world.

Where was I?

The shamanic and Eastern view of pain is that it can be a communication, pain is transformative. Pain is OK, suffering is often time a choice we make, and it is up to us to choose different. It has been my experience that diving into that wound, or that pain, we learn our most amazing truths. Of who we are. And why we're here.

Three years ago, I had a chronically painful right elbow for a couple of years and had to wear a brace. By the end of every day, I couldn't lift my arm. My muscles were atrophying from no exercise. It was affecting my sleep patterns. I type a lot, I exercise a ton, I write, and no, it wasn't from too much masturbation, not that there's anything wrong with that for the readers who do. "Severe Tendinitis"-I was told. I had tried everything I could think of--physical therapy, acupuncture, massage, meditation, stretching, chiropractry, herbs, rest, diet, yadda, yadda, yadda. I had resigned myself to the fact that I would have to bear this in some form for the rest of my life. It never occurred to me that I was married to this pain, or that in some way this pain was serving my need for attention or need to play victim, or something. It was keeping me from actively participating in life. With a fucked up arm, I had an excuse(limiting) to not have to do my job the best I could, to say no to learning certain healing modalities, to say no to yoga/tai chi, to say no to playing the guitar, and then being able to tell a story about why I wasn't able to live my dream.

I did still keep searching. I came upon a bookstore seminar, one that I didn't understand, but sang to my Spirit. Fuck it, what do have to lose, I thought? I said yes. I went and learned how to re-wire my brain's limiting belief systems, using a modality called Psych-K, or psychological kinesiology. (www.psych-k.com) A good way to describe it, is it gets our "station" in tune with the signal, gets rid of the noise, makes our brain filter clear, so we can attract what it is that we need or ask for in this life.

Within 2 weeks, I meet another physical therapist, who tells me that he can help and to come into his office. On the first visit:

P-Trainer Guy: "it's not tendinitis Eric, it's your ulnar nerve that's trapped"

'In english, please.'

~(Eric in meditation): "your massive ego and narcissism are keeping you from accessing your true gifts, and leading an authentic life that is living on purpose."~

(wait a minute, who or what said that)

P-Trainer Guy: "Your nerve signals are messed up, and it's distorting the messages your muscles are receiving. I'll have you back up and runnin in less than 2 months." Snap.

True. And what occurred was I was able to meet someone who was able to help me get directly to the source, or where the root pain existed, rather than just treat the sympton. (enter light bulb, or angelic realms opening...laaaaaaaa) And I got to the source myself, which would just begin the journey of integrating the newfound awareness.

That's it. Get to the source. Get to know, and then take out, the "general" of problematic wound, and all the "soldiers" of pain surrender. Then, one can act as witness to things that happened. The metaphors are many. Unfortunately, while our medical system has blessed us with amazing evolutionary things such as anti-biotics, and brilliant surgeries, too much emphasis is focused on treating the symptoms, or getting rid of the pain. (with drugs). I feel that most people want the truth, and want to know the roots of their pain, be it emotional, physical, or spiritual. They just don't have someone, or a community of loving someones, that hold space for them to explore.

After the lodge, my friend Linda, gives me an offering. On the surface, it is just another moment in time. It is tradition to make an offering to the medicine person, or lodge facilitator, as an exchange for the healings that have occurred, yet there is no expectation of said offering. When I am in service, it is unconditional. I consider Linda not only a mentor and teacher, but a spiritual mother. She has held space for me for years, watching me grow, watching me stumble, watching me learn how to literally walk--my path. Holding space and watching me learn how to speak---my true voice. Holding space and watching me unfold. She has watched me stumble into learning about reverence(for life), while accepting that my punk-ass indigo energy is part of who I am. She saw the healer in me long before I was ready to accept it as my path. She encouraged the musician in me long before I was ready to sing or play. When I was experiencing some dark moments, she provided room to grow(and a hug or 3) until I was ready to bring them into the light. Unconditional love.

She has held space for me, and shared her process along the way.

I have watched her work through her fears of speaking and writing, and now she has written books, recorded CDs, and speaks in front of many. I have watched her process the losing of loved ones that hurt and made no sense, only to share those lessons with me and many others. I have watched her lose a business, only to see her create a community. I have watched her process this human experience. Her life process, or life journey, has added to mine.

She is an amazing woman, and as I like to say, all of this might be true, but not because I said it.

It is true for me. It is my truth. Only you can decide what your truth is, just as you and only you, are responsible for your own healing. Linda has gently stretched my universal spectrum, knowing it takes time for eyes to adjust to brighter light. That is what I call holding space.
And while there have been many who have done this for me, including some of the participants and bright lights in this particular sweat lodge, Linda has embodied it for me longer than anyone.

Linda came to the lodge for healing, for growth, for clarity. When she gave me the offering, it dawned on me that I had just held space for her. It is a privilege, and an honor, that someone you trust, trusts you to hold that space for them, and that is, in my humble opinion, the greatest gift you can give. She was willing to receive, for if we don't receive, we take away someone else's gift of giving.

Sacred reciprocity. An exchange over time. I was able to give back and hold the space in the same way which she learned me. You give AND you receive. Create space to have space to create. We do this for each other. A prayer I like and recited in this particular lodge, is simply,

"may you see that which you need to see, and hear that which you need to hear."

I rub my feet in the soft grass, and lay back with my arms behind my head, and I see there is a caterpillar hanging from a branch and I am observing this caterpillar for about 20 minutes. I feel like I am communicating with it telepathically, and even if that's a stretch of reality, the metaphors that are appearing in my mind and into my awareness are very real, and are synthesizing several fragmented ideas in my head, while crystallizing and spawning some new ones as well. I'm inside the "what" of what one might call conscious awareness, and it's easy for me to let go of the "how" this is occurring. My heart is smiling, and trying to figure out why would simply take me out of the moment.

The caterpillar has made little tangible progress, and I can tell it's going to take it all day, if not longer to arrive at its destination. The purpose of the journey is the journey itself. I wonder if the caterpillar is enjoying its journey. Am I enjoying mine?

I am.

To be sure, there are days, or moments, that don't taste so fantastic. Like someone "peed in your bowl of cosmic chili". The real learning occurs when you realize you were the one doing the urinating, and you were following your own recipe. Or, perhaps, you receive a letter in the mail, and it is full of advice you don't want to hear, or feel doesn't apply to you, so you put it back in the mailbox "Return to Sender". A day later you find out that YOU are the sender.

This is how our higher self communicates lessons to us, how it nudges us along until we remember who we are. The gift of the human experience, and its duality is that by learning what doesn't feel, taste, or sound good to us, we then have a frame for what does. Like that peanut butter and tuna fish sandwich. The great news is we have the ability(free will) to change our life recipe, or how we perceive it.

The caterpillar I am watching is in the process of beginning its sojourn to form the chrysallis from which a beautiful butterfly will emerge. I realize how interconnected the caterpillar journey is with that of the butterflys. From there, how connected our human paths are to that of the caterpillar's long transformation. It clicks in how much the sum of all of my more dense caterpillar-like experiences(read: shitty ones(at the time)) are connected to those lighter ones I associate with that of a flying butterfly. My 5 year-old daughter is perfect, and in every way. She is my inspiration, and so helped learn unconditional love. In learning how to nurture her, I have learned to nurture myself. In learning how to nurture myself, how to nurture my ideas, my art, my voice.

It follows that every perfect Daddy day of present moments that I share with my daughter, is connected with every imperfect moment that came before it, or before her, good or bad. Suddenly, I see the inherent perfection in all prior imperfections.

Imperfection broken down = I'm perfection, or I am perfection.

I take a pinch of tobacco from my medicine bag, and offer it in gratitude to the caterpillar and the Earth for this time, and head back to the group to play some guitar around the campfire.

I know the night is going to be a joy, and full of kindred spirits and laughter, and I'm not worried about hitting the perfect note, or singing the perfect song, for I know now more than ever:

There is perfection in imperfection.

Aho,

Eric

Spandas of The Now

Spanda is a Sanskrit term that translates to vibration, or motion. Creative spark. Divine inspiration. http://www.spandayoga.com/whatis.html

It is no surprise to me that I was introduced to this term by my good friend, peer, and teacher, Bill "Gorakh" Hiyashi of Columbia College. Bill teaches course offerings such as Mystical Consciousness and Philosophy of Love at the school, and is the anchor of our monthly Light Circles meetings. Light Circles is a sacred space that is held every First Friday of every month. A community "we" space, that is a place of support and non-judgment for young artists to explore their felt sense. Bill also taught me the meaning of this term 'felt sense' as well, and I put together how it relates to the wisdom of our direct experiences, our connection with the divine.

A typical Light Circle meeting will include a 1/2 hour of casual meet and greet, a potluck feast, an invocation, 2-3 hours of artists sharing their SoulArt in the form of music, singing, paintings, spoken word, and a meditation. Oftentime, the spandas are flowing as the frequency of the field is high and full of love. Have you ever felt tickled even though no one has touched you? Have you ever started laughing though no one has told a joke or said anything? This happened to me at our last meeting. A moment where one person(me) starts laughing, then another joins in, then another, and then the laughter perpetuates itself. Soon the whole room is belly laughing and no one really knows why.

That is the kinesthetic sense, or feeling of a spanda.

Last year, one day, Bill and I were grabbing coffee, and just checking in with each other. Our conversation are such a joy, so fluid, like jumping into a river destination unknown and just seeing where the current takes you.

Before I met Bill, if someone asked me what we were going to talk about before I left for the cafe, I would have all sorts of a response, "Philosophy, Love, Metaphysics, why we're here on this planet, Spirituality, Religion, Service, blah blah blah". These days, I just suit up and show up, and trust that whatever is supposed to be the topic will emerge.

We're at the cafe. "What did you just say?", he tunes in. I think it was something about either Chiron, or Indigo children, if memory serves, but the subject matter is immaterial.

"Tell me more.....every now and then these brilliant spandas come through you", Bill says.

(crickets)

No idea what he's talking about. Yup, I have a 160 I.Q this day.....on a scale of 1000.

Bill continues, "It's an inspiration that comes out of nowhere, out of nothingness, something that really resonates, and strikes a chord." One might call it creation itself.

Got it. And instantly I get why our chats are so riveting. The intention to create the field, to hold the space, to be open and vulnerable to where the energy may take you, without attachment or agenda.

Ever cook a recipe that you followed to the 'T' and you just know is missing a certain something, and then it occurs to you spontaneously the exact ingredient that will synthesize all the rest into a delicious meal.

Spanda!

I realize this nothingness that we create together is what makes our conversations so wonderful. The place Buddhists call 'no mind', also, "beginner's mind".

I would call it "if you get rid of the how, you'll get into the now."

That just came through. How 'bout that? A spanda that describes a spanda.

When Bill and I get together, we 'hold space' for one another, create a "we" space, put on our "beginner's minds", and with a whole personal library of felt senses and direct experiences to tap into for context if needed.

Like 2 painters with a full box of paints and brushes(our experiences), who need only to find the clear screen(space) on which to allow creation(spanda).

I'm going to see Bill tomorrow at a purification lodge ceremony.

What will we talk about?

Oh, probably nothing(ness).

(smile)

Aho,

Eric

Life's a Beach

I'm walking to the beach, and I'm spontaneously 'pulled' to the boardwalk, which is 30 feet away. It feels as if I am a puppet with someone invisible above me pulling the strings. I love when this happens, and my only job is to shut the mind down, and open the heart. Let go and let God, as they say. I'm reminded of that line in Bull Durham where Crash Davis(Kevin Costner) yells at Nuke Laloosh(Tim Robbins), "Don't think Meat, just pitch!".

Rain is falling lightly, and I am enjoying the freshness of the sprinkles on my neck. There are six people sitting where I'm intuiting that I'd like to sit and write, and before I can come up with a Plan B in my mind, they magically get up and walk the other way. I take my seat, and have to shield my notebook from the rain, which is blowing north to south toward the ocean. The wind drops the temperature into the 50s, and suddenly, it takes a bit more grace to be happy it is raining down.

I am in the center of the boardwalk. I am at MY center. I am in the place the Buddhists call 'the witness', watching life unfold. Due to the weather, the ocean is left to its own devices, save for two 16 year-olds in the water, arms around one another, and kissing in a way that is that 1st puppy love. They are oblivious to everything and completely in the moment. The feeling of time stopping, with nary a worry in the world, except for maybe the prospect of what to do with a 3-inch hickey on the back of one's neck. The memory of my first real kiss enters my awareness. The hometown ski area, 12 friends egging me on, and a chair lift ride with a girl named Karen. It's a 'sure thing', all I have to do is let it happen, and yet there's still the pubescent nervous anticipation. The metaphor for this stage of the chrysallis, or development, that is my writing, is quite loud.

The writing is in my home "field". It is everything I already am, and everything I already know, consciously or not. I have many, many people supporting me, and about 12 people actively taking an interest in my writing. I've seen and felt all the signs that tell me it is a "sure thing", and I don't intrepret that to mean New York Times bestseller. I simply know it is a "sure thing" in terms of my growth as a human being, my transformation as a person, and that possibly one other person will be inspired to write a book that will change the world forever. There is still a bit of trepidation.

All I have to do is get on the chair lift. Sit in stillness and be raised up in vibration.

The rhythymic melody of the ocean wave breaking onto shore brings me deeper into what one might call an awakened trance. I am sitting with my legs crossed, and my body is taking a nap as my mind is completely alert. I am in that oxymoronic space of thinking with my heart and feeling with my mind. A place where one can take an artistic view of science and a scientific viewpoint of all things art.

I see the auras of the trees over the rocky neck that extends into the ocean. They provide ample light on what otherwise would be considered by many to be a dark, dreary, overcast day.

I randomly think of spiders, and within 5 seconds, almost on queue, a woman 6 feet away asks her 3 yr-old son, "do you want to play with Spiderman?". I acknowledge with gratitude the new web of life that is my writing and make a mental note to research further what the Native American take on spider medicine(spider signs/wisdom) is.

For the first time of this vacation week, I turn my head to the big, circular clock that is perched on a pole at the end of the boardwalk. It is 1:11 pm. I giggle to myself. The Oneness. Everything really is one right now. I realize this week is the first time ever that I've truly written without my brutal inner editor. I'm not even really sure what I've written. I smile. It occurs to me right now I can write with my eyes not looking at the notebook, and even with my non-dominant hand. It's just coming through.

I can feel this moment in time, this awareness, this 'being', starting to fade. I decide to lock this moment, this essence, in for future reference, for those times when I am staring at the pen in my hand that seems separate from my brain. I close my eyes and imagine myself diving simultaneously into each individual cell in my body. I take 3 deep breaths, and tap my solar plexus 3 times. This is the 2nd chakra, or creative center. I am literally downloading this moment into cellular/muscle memory, through self-hypnosis. It has definitely made my short list of "happy places" that I can re-visit from a distance through meditation any time I feel stuck.

I ask for a sign to get up and go, 2 sea hawks fly across the previously empty sky, and I get chills up and down my arms. I realize how connected I am to the beach and the ocean and am immediately grateful. I realize how connected I am to everything, and laugh at myself for the fact that I almost didn't want to come and take this vacation break. I take a pinch of tobacco from my medicine bag, and say a prayer of gratitude in an offering to the beach.

Life's a beach.

Just for Today, I Will Write

It's a normal Saturday in Chicago a few months ago, and I am face down on a massage table receiving energy healing work/massage from a friend. Getting some form of bodywork done is a weekly ritual for me, and part of the answer to dealing with the problem of life stressors. I sometimes like to think of my body as the instrument, and Planet Earth the orchestra. How in tune my body "guitar" is, and how well I'm synched up with the "band" of life is a direct result of the choices I make on a day-to-day basis with my instrument.

Have you ever heard someone play a guitar that's out of tune? It evokes the same feeling in me as when that little 5th grade bitch Darcy ran her fingernails down the chalkboard just because she could.

On the flip side, has a symphonic performance, or a piece of art ever moved you to tears? Ever been captivated watching an athlete push the limits of what was previously thought physically possible? Moments where maybe you had little idea intellectually what was happening or how it was being done, but were fully aware of its connection to you. Almost like it was already a part of you, and your role was simply to remember.

My intention for this particular massage session was simply to get out of my mind, and to relax. To give my muscles a break, and to thank them for all they do every single day. My friend, Healer 'A', has the energy of a female warrior. Like a sword, it is strong and supple. Both focused and gentle. What is a healer? I will cover this more in depth in the near future, and as far as I'm concerned, in terms of "hands-on healing", we are ALL healers. Do you remember falling down as a child and getting a bump, scrape, or bruise? You run to your Mom, and she immediately puts her hands on the boo-boo, and tells you everything is going to be alright. Same concept. What did Mom do right there? She sent love through her hands to your wound, and felt you to be just as perfect as you are. That is a healing.

I enjoy working with Healer 'A', as our energies are similar in many ways, and complementary in most others that matter to me. Like 2 DJs from different classic rock-n-roll radio stations, the dial is tuned into a slightly different frequency, and we have some differing personal musical preferences, but we pretty much play most of the same tunes.

She lays a Tibetan Bowl on my back and then gongs it. The sound vibration ripples through my body. I am almost instantly entrained or brought in sync, and become one with this vibration. It is akin to when I used to bodysurf in the ocean. There is an undeniable moment when you become one with the wave, and for a brief couple of seconds, know what a fish feels like in water. Or when I played basketball, and got into "the zone". The place of no time where you could not miss a shot seemingly even if you tried to. You're not quite sure how you got there, how long it will last, or when it's over, how to get there again. But when you are "there", there is no mistaking that you are there.

This "zone" is our birthright.

My nervous system dials down a notch or 3, and I am fully in this present moment of bliss.

Healer 'A' interrupts my moment. "Eric, they're telling me that you need to write."

As a healer myself, one of the mantras I use quite often is 'May you see that which you need to see, and hear that which you need to hear'. Healer 'A' is tuning into this, and it is the punk teenager in me, the one who doesn't like to be told what to do, that is tuning out.

"Yeah, yeah....I know....who the fuck are "they" anyway?", I reply, knowing full well who "they" are. "They" go by many names. Guides, angels, totems, higher selves, Spirit, God, Allah, Jehovah, Rama, Sa Ta Na Ma, Consciousness. They are one and the same.

Healer 'A': "No, really, they're telling me everything's lined up. Publishers, agents, support people, etc."

Whatever. I thank the messenger, and half-heartedly receive the message. It's not the first time I've received this message, and as the universe would show me quickly, wouldn't be the last.

Two weeks later, I am at the Ronora Lodge and Retreat Center in Watervliet, Michigan, about 100 miles NE of Chicago. 300 acres of trees, trails, and a beautiful freshwater lake. It is a sacred land, owned by a family with Native American roots, and a great place to unplug from the societal machine and unwind. I come here to feel connected to nature and all things. Today is a special day. On this day, we are to pour a purification, or sweat lodge, and I am to receive my medicine bag. I have been apprenticing much of the past year, learning the sacred traditions, and indigenous wisdoms under an Native American Arapaho Elder named Grandfather Singing Man. Today I "graduate", and receive the blessing of the Arapaho to facilitate, and run/pour sweat lodges on my own. For those not familiar with the Inipi, or Purification Lodge, it is a sacred ceremony, in which water is poured over hot stones(called Grandfather Stones), and there is prayer, song, and healing. The Inipi represents the mother's womb, in which you go in to be re-born again. The lodge is built from tree saplings, and covered with tarps, and resembles an igloo structure.

I am not Native American by blood, and it is a great privilege and honor for me to be able to pray with, and be awakened to the ways of the Native and their ancestors, who have sacrificed much for Pachumama, or Mother Earth.

Grandfather Singing Man is in his 60s, and while the years have brought to him some physical challenges such as a bum knee, his age is belied by his joyful, exuberant nature, and his young-looking skin, no doubt the result of many sweats. He is a therapist by day, and has counseled many addicted and afflicted souls. He was given the name Singing Man not so much for his ability to hit and hold a note, or carry a tune. Rather, his elders foresaw that his life mission was to spread or "sing" the ancient wisdoms to those in need, and those not schooled in the ways of the indigenous tribes.

This is why we are here today.

"Grandfather will see you now.", another apprentice beckons to me. Before the ceremony begins, Grandfather is calling forth and gifting all of the apprentices for all the work we have put in to get to this point. I see one of the female apprentices come out of the lodge with some ornate Native American jewelry. I wonder, I am excited, naturally curious, and even a bit anxious.

Will it be a buffalo skull? Maybe a warrior necklace?

"Eric, you are a good man, I am honored to be your teacher, and I know it's not much, but I'd like to give you this pen." As he hands me the small, sleek, silver writing utensil, I reply, .........."umm, ok, thank you Grandfather".

I walk out of the lodge back to the shade of the oak trees. The depth of what just transpired hasn't sunk in yet. Sometimes I may look dumb, but I sure am stupid. A pen. My 60 yr-old Indian Grandfather just gifted me a pen? Did he get this on the gas station on the way here? I am shallow at this moment, and confusion reigns. My mind wanders to that moment in the John Cusack movie, Say Anything, where the girl breaks up with him and awkwardly says she wants him to have this pen.

Why on Earth would Singing Man give me a pen?

(crickets)

(birds chirping)

(fire blazing)

I close my eyes. One of my animal totem guides, the Condor, appears in my mind's eye. He intuits to me, "What do you do with a pen, jackass?"

1.....2.....3.....OH MY GOD! GRANDFATHER GAVE ME A FUCKING PEN! HOLY SHIT! YOU WRITE WITH A PEN! YOU WRITE!

Suddenly, I feel the significance of the moment, and run over and tell Grandfather the story about Healer 'A', and how I'm being pulled to write. Grandfather smiles and chuckles. It's like he knew, and he did. He may not have been able to put together consciously why getting his student Eric a pen was essential, but he was moved by Spirit to do so, and he trusted that vibe, that intuition.

Of ALL the things Grandfather could have gotten for me, he chose a pen. I sit by the fire and just keep saying, "Duuuude!" to myself. Really deep, yo. It's like Jeff Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High just found God. Message received.

Love you grandpa!

I get back to Chicago and go straight to Staples to buy notebooks, notepads, pens, pencils, dry eraser boards, skittles. You know, all the writing essentials. I get back home to my desk, and I feel inspired, but what the heck am I supposed to write about? I'm not really an expert on anything. Jack of all trades, master of none. Maybe.

Sports, business, entrepreneurship? Nah. All still parts of me, but they are a bigger part of the 'who i was' version. I need to create with passion, the kind of passion that fuels and makes any impossible dream possible, and makes any far-out vision tangible. Ok, what am I passionate about? My healing work. The healing arts. Yeah, that's it. I love the healing arts. I can write about my own healing. Maybe about the times I escaped to alcohol and drugs as I dealt with my own pain, my own wounds. I could name it, "I Never Really Liked Cocaine, Just the Smell of It".

Nah. Too narcississtic.

How 'bout the myth of Chiron, the Wounded Healer? Bingo. That's it. That resonates. Chiron was the King of the Centaurs. Basically, the Centaurs were ALL about the sex, drugs, and rock n roll. Hedonism to the nth degree. Chiron, however, was the renaissance Centaur, self-taught in music, art, healing arts, and life. A king was crowned. His wisdom propones that it is direct experiences that foster our connection with the Divine. His wisdom propones that "the gift is in the wound", which is the name of this blog. That the medicine is in the pain. I believe in that. What does that mean? Simply that life's challenges are here to learn us, to stretch us, to awaken us to a higher version of ourselves. Pain is transformative. Pain is a way of opening to grace. Pain is ok, suffering is not. There is no script for what is pain and what is suffering. It is a felt sense. Anyone who has ever worked out knows when the body is in pain due to fatigue from a lactic acid buildup, and that is part of the healthy process of breaking down the muscle to build it up again. Far different than having a torn muscle, and not listening to your body to slow down, and making things worse.

Jesus Christ, the healer standard of all time, before he would agree to administer a healing, used to ask the question, "what have you learned from your infirmity, or condition?" What medicine or wisdom have you received? what have you learned that you can share with others, before this pain is released?

The day is Thursday July 9th and it's time for the 3rd annual Reiki Convergence at Ronora Lodge. 75 people from different parts of the country and the world will come for 4 days of communing with nature, eating healthy food, great music, healing, a sweat lodge, breath seminars, ritual, ceremony, and love. Some might consider the weekend a break from reality. For me, it IS reality. The people who put on this glorious event are Bill and Linda, my spiritual parents. Linda is a dear friend, an amazing spirit, and shown me the meaning of unconditional love more than anyone other than my 5 yr-old daughter. She has held space for me to grow, to learn, to fall off the bicycle and get back on it, not putting a time stamp or condition on how long it would take for the butterfly in me to emerge, the one that she always saw from day one. I am one of the stewards for the convergence, and my role is multi-dimensional. I sit in on the planning meetings months prior to the event. I help load/unload the truck the day before everyone arrives. On Thursday, I'm going to open the conference musically, leading the group with the Rusted Root song, Back to the Earth. Friday, I facilitate and lead my first sweat lodge. Saturday, I participate in the healing sanctuary, and then drum at the Sacred Fire Ceremony. There are also individual healing sessions I hold during free time, and general support for Bill and Linda and all my brothers and sisters all weekend.

It is a privilege.

Ma (Linda) asks, "are your many roles too much? i want you to enjoy the weekend fully." I reply, "They are but one role. I've never felt more in touch with my soul contract of service, and thank you for checking in with me." I am in the "zone". Everything is flowing. Each day is a series of pleasant unfolding moments. Extraordinary things are happening every single hour it seems, so much so that they become ordinary. We proceed to have a sacred fire ceremony, where we walk over a bridge, announce our intention for the next year in front of all, and then throw a prayer bundle into the fire. These four days are true service, and I end up losing my wallet this weekend, a sign that's lost on me for a couple weeks.

My statement/prayer for the fire is, "I will write every day, in Spirit, with Spirit, and as Spirit." What doesn't register at the time is my statement could translate to, "I will write every day in love, with love, and as love."

I get back to Chicago and I write for a couple of weeks, off and on. Journal entry here, 2/3 of a song there. I'm writing, but it's not flowing like a river, and still feels forced, not organic. My inner critic most nights is really strong, often editing the words before they even hit the paper. On this one particular Wednesday, it seems particularly loud. I grab a drink. I choose Vodka/tonic, with a big splash of "shut the fuck up" for my mind. This is not a celebratory libation, it is one to escape. I will realize later that coming up with fancy phrases, or complex thoughts/ideas, while titilating for my ego, puts me on what i would call a 2-sided cul-de-sac, with seemingly no way out. The mind is a guidance system, a necessary component of the ship, and it's useful for 20 percent of our existence, but it is my heart that drives this vessel. The only way out is through. I have to write from the heart, not the mind. It occurs to me right then and there how much fear is involved in the mental slavery of perfectionism. It occurs to me how destination-oriented my thoughts are in regards to just about anything artistic I do. Figuring out what the book should be about is keeping me from writing the book. That is a conflict. Art is creation. Life is creation. Creation is not about an arrival, it's about the experience. A friend once told me the purpose of the journey IS the journey.

The 2 weeks following the Convergence are hell in a bucket for me, which ultimately, proves to be a gift, I just don't know it yet. Some letdown was to be expected. I just spent 5 days in complete peace and harmony with nature and supportive, loving people. Integrating back into the 'machine' of life is an adjustment requiring a bit of finesse. This wasn't that, however. Something is leaving me forever. Like a snake shedding a skin. I get a message through a meditation that I am about to be scarred again, and it is up to me how I choose to view it. I feel like 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag, and that is on my good days. My day job of trading is taking a good beating, and I lose the majority of my yearly gains in a very short time. Ouchie. This triggers the long-programmed response of do more, have more. My biological father, an honorable man who put 5 kids through college on a teacher's salary, grew up the son of a Depression-Era farmer. If you picture the brain as a hard drive, my father's software "programs" installed by his father, were those of "lack" and "fear of not having enough". It's not good or bad, it just is. These programs were passed down to my 'hard drive'. Basically, it works like this: You're 5 years old. Aunt Bertha is cooking tomato soup, she burns her finger and screams, "I fucking hate tomato soup". Guess what, she just downloaded that "software" into your hard drive and so you will hate tomato soup for the rest of your life. Until you become aware of that program, and re-write the software. Dr. Bruce Lipton has done some pretty awesome work regarding this concept. (www.brucelipton.com)

I feel fucked. And the worst part of it, is I did it to myself. You'd think I'd have the common decency to give myself the courtesy reacharound. Nope. The old wounds have been ripped wide open. I know from experience that when dark things bubble up, it's actually a huge blessing. These things are finally light enough to be acknowledged and released. Yet this wisdom doesn't soothe me one bit. "How am I going to pay for all these things? Ella's school? The old response mechanisms come in. I swear I'll work harder(which doesn't mean smarter, btw), I dust off the resume and even make a couple phone calls, I can start up a firm again, make the money, and then i'll..i'll...i'll......

Enough is enough.

There's a saying that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

I have enough. I AM enough.

It's like I mimed myself into a box, and threw away the key. Yet the box only exists in my mind.

I have enough. I am enough. All of have to do is change the software.

I realize the decoys that occur in trying to have everything figured out. Writing is supposed to be a joy, not an obligation. I feel like the mosquito who keeps bouncing itself on the closed glass window, when if it would stop, take a deep breath, and turn around, it would notice the door wide open to the outside. I'm sure someone way smarter than I has philosophized about how if we do not scratch our creative itches, if we repress our right-brained inclinations, they then will manifest in the form of drama in our lives. The shadow side of our creative being. There is a human need for expression, and we will do it one way or another. I am free to be and choose to create.

I am both pressing my foot on the gas pedal and the brakes at the same time. A foot in two worlds. This is how the infant in the womb must feel, just before being born into the world. This is how the first cells of the butterfly cells must feel while still in the chrysallis of the caterpillar.

It's time to let go. Just bringing that idea into my awareness, and attaching an emotion to it, makes it so. I meet with my energy therapist, and she mentions to me there is no shame in working in the material/finance worlds, and offering those gifts in service. I agree, and I also realize that line of thought is more of who I was. It served me for a long time. The emergent true self seen and felt at the Convergence in Ronora is who I am. Being in service and creating, and unconsciously giving others permission to do the same.

Upon reflection, I needed to re-balance my life equation. Healthy faith is not to be confused with blind faith. You walk into a casino, put your life savings on black at the roulette table and proclaim, "I have faith in God's will", is not faith, it's stupidity.

If I were a plant, the time had come for a healthy pruning, so I can expand even more full of life. Too much pruning results in self-mutilation.

I set a modest and appropriate goal for the rest of the year economically, decide to take a long overdue respite from the finance world in August so I can be with my writing, and commit to rooting down this newfound awareness. I have been given an enormous gift, again.

Bob Marley pops into my head, "Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our mind(Redemption Song)". Just by diving inward into that which was paining me, I find my medicine. The synchronicities start occurring rapidly, signs that I am flowing with the river. My left and right brains, like a happy marriage, are communicating well back and forth, each shining light on the other, and letting no space come between them. The creative juices are flowing, and I write page after page, and song after song. Again, I am in the 'zone'.

A friend writes to me that she likes my blog. I do not have a blog at this point, and I haven't blogged in years. She was tuning into what you are reading right now. It has always existed, I'm learning how to stay out of its way, and let it come through. With apologies to the Matrix, Neo's starting to believe. Message received.

One of the several healing disciplines I have learned/been attuned to is that of Reiki. I remember the 5 principles, which all begin with "Just for today..." Just for today, I will not anger, Just for today I will not worry, Just for today I will be grateful, Just for today, I will do my work honestly, Just for today, I will be kind to every living thing.

The idea is that all we have is this moment. I can choose not to worry, just for today. And then it becomes not tomorrow, but the 'next today'. And then I will choose again. Writing for the next year, or writing a complete book seem like mountainous tasks.

Writing just for today? Sounds reasonable, I can do that.

Just for shiggles, I pull an angel card from my sweat lodge card deck. "Ok universe, how 'bout you just tell me in no uncertain terms what it is you will have me write about?"

No surprise. I pull the Lakota Yum card, also known as whirlwind. It is the card of love.

And so it is.

Just for today, I will write.


Aho,

Eric