Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Stuckness Speaks

Just back from a 4 day trip to Sedona, AZ, and I sit down to write. It's been a short while since I've tuned in, and it seems the proverbial topical fruit are low-hanging enough to be picked. I am: Well-rested? Check. In a quiet space? Check. Have plenty of recent material? Check. Latte' with cookie snack? Check. The only issue is that I feel like an hour ago, I drank a tall glass of 'shut the fuck up'. I'm stuck in this writing moment. I ponder. This stuckness isn't one born of my reformed 'inner critic/inner editor', who sometimes would like to edit the words before they even hit the page, no matter that I am the only person in the room. No, rather, it is more that there is so much happening today, and in life, it becomes a task to keep up and put a pen to the occurrences. I remind myself to do things out of joy, not obligation. In the past week, I have bounced from one essential experience to the next. From soul readings in Sedona to healing share circles to finishing an Eckhart Tolle book to hiking with shamans to parenting a highly evolved child. Time has collapsed to the point where it feels like I've done 87 things in but a few moments. How does one describe that? I think maybe I just did. There is the feeling that consciousness is speeding up so fast, that at times, it seems like the words we use to describe the events can be limiting. The vibrational essence of what transpires is a bit lost in translation because there are no equivalents in the English language to describe sacred essences. Essential equivalents in Ancient Latin, Sanskrit or Hebrew? Maybe. In English, no. Johannes Kepler did some interesting work with this sacred sound frequency phenomena, but I digress.

Bottom line, I'm stuck. So I tune in to one of my muses, the Archangel Gabriel, keeper of wisdom, keeper of communication and the arts.

Eric: "I'm stuck. It's not flowing."
A.G.: "Your present moment is your moment of presence. What is your present moment?"
Eric: "I'm stuck. It's not flowing."
A.G.: "Write about that."
Eric: "I may look dumb, but I sure am stupid. Why ya gotta know everything?
A.G.: (chuckles)


There is wisdom in that. We know that where our thoughts go, energy flows, in this quantum world we live in. The "Now" is all we have, and things like regret and worry are part of the illusion that is the past and the future. All we have is this present moment. The present moment is. Rather than stressing over what I may or may not write about(in essence: this unknown topic is a part of the future), my present moment(a few moments ago, :) ) was that of 'being stuck'. Once I can acknowledge that, without identifying with it, the awareness of 'being stuck' becomes aware of itself. Energy flows there, and balance is restored. Harmony is re-established and the words can flow. Literally writing about "not writing" is the tool that snakes the clogged creativity pipe. I'm back to a balanced state, and the muse can shine through, without Eric getting in the way.

In many ways, this is merely an exercise in simple listening. I'm sure I could rationalize many reasons why I've been stuck and not writing. I'm sure I could propose mediocre theories about how the time wasn't right, or I'm waiting for the perfect words or excuse myself because of getting caught up in the day-to-day grind.

The bottom line is I haven't been fully listening.

There is a healing metaphor to be had here, and it is not the cliche' "the longest journey begins with a single step", although i do like that one too. It is that when we simply listen, to our bodies, to our heart, to our spirit or higher self, we find we have all that we need. When we get to the source, the symptoms fade away. Take out the lead general of your frustration/anxiety/anger/worry armies, and the soldiers all surrender.

How do we do this?

By listening. By being present.

When I hear dissonant notes coming from my guitar, I know that it is time to tune it. When there is static noise on the stereo, I adjust the dials to the correct frequency of the intended station. Likewise, when I am in pain, physical or otherwise, i.e. noise or static(imbalance) in my body, I lean in and listen to see what the message or lesson is.

Many times, when we feel pain or discomfort in our bodies it is because of an energetic imbalance. This can manifest in "stuck energy". A simple example of this is a headache, migraine or otherwise. It is usually localized to one spot, or one area. The energy is "stuck" or dense in this area. So when we apply Reiki, or another energy focusing technique, we are basically becoming "present with the pain". Acknowledging the imbalance is the first step back to balance. The client will oftentime report the pain is moving. That's when you know you "have it", and it will soon be whisked away. When it is in motion, it is light enough to ultimately be removed/transmuted, and the client restored to balance. A healing has occurred.

This, in a similar way, is what has occurred with my writing. So now that I am writing again, what did my "stuckness" tell me? What did I learn by leaning in to the imbalance of 'being stuck', from my writing infirmity?

A reminder(again) to choose to create out of joy, not obligation. There's no obligation in creation. It dilutes its vibration. It loses its essence, and becomes inorganic.

Consider it remembered. Or is it re-membered?

Either way, I am grateful.

Peace,

Eric

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